YourCoachtoSuccess

Being or Doing?

2006-05-31T07:56:00.000-04:00

We all want a life that fulfills--a life of joy and meaning. The quest for a meaningful, joyous, fulfilling life begins with purpose. Most of us get this backwards, spending the majority of our lives doing things and the latter years seeking the purpose behind our doing-ness.

In my Life Purpose coaching practice I find myself returning time and time again to the distinctions between being and doing. Most people search for purpose in doing-ness, but purpose is more about being than doing.

Joy and fulfillment feelings come from who we are being; we experience who we are being in the things we do. So being comes first. Consciously choosing who we are being allows us to select doing-things that align with purpose.

Being is a state of existence. We are always in some state of existence; My state of existence just now bounces between reflecting and creating. I reflect on my ideas and I create word pictures to express my ideas. As I write this I probably pass through dozens of states of existence, including frustration as I work to clearly express my point.

Any adult who attended public or private education has experienced clear examples of the distinction between being and doing. Think about teachers you had who inspired you to learn; these were the teachers whose classes were enjoyable, interesting, and in which the time passed quickly. You probably had a small number of these teachers.

Now think about other teachers, those whose classes were boring, dull, and a waste of time. Their classes seemed to go on forever and you probably filled the class time with doodles and thoughts of other things. You likely had a larger number of these teachers.

The former teachers, those you enjoyed, were being teachers. Teaching was a passion and they put everything they had into their teaching. First they were being teaching, then they did teaching. You could feel their joy and fulfillment.

The latter teachers were simply doing teaching. They weren't passionate, energetic, or completely involved. They were just doing the thing called teaching. You could feel their lack of joy and fulfillment. Sadly, these teachers were not doing things that aligned with purpose. Their students suffered right along with them.

To get a better feel for this distinction and to sharpen your own awareness, watch other people closely. Watch two people having a discussion; are they being inquisitive, argumentative, considerate, helpful, supportive, ... get the idea? Now turn that awareness inside; who are you being in your next discussion? In your next decision? In your next mini-crisis at work? When you consciously choose your states of being in situations and when these states align you with purpose, life becomes much, much easier.

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Weekly articles on Personal Development

Jerry

My Friend Fear

2006-05-20T10:43:00.000-04:00

Can fear really be a friend? If you missed my May Telecoach Discussion you missed an opportunity to view fear in an entirely different way...as a friend. Looking at the positives that fear can bring provides a whole new perspective and lots of positive opportunities to move forward in personal development. Even though you missed that discussion, you can catch up on the substance of it in this article. (My contract with Suite101.com prohibits repeating the article, so follow the link to read it.) Surprisingly, fear has many characteristics we often attribute to friendship. After years of living in fear, followed by years of working to overcome fear, I'm now seeing fear in a whole new and useful light. I hope you'll consider joining the June Telecoach Discussion. Our topic is Attracting Success. If Success seems something to hope for, or dream of, but you've been working so hard and don't feel successful, join us on June 21 at 7 PM Eastern Time for an hour of valuable discussion on Attracting Success. Jerry

Self Talk and Fear

2006-05-11T09:15:00.000-04:00

If you're wondering how large a factor fear is in your life, listen to your self talk. Listen to what you're saying to yourself, especially when you make decisions. Do you hear fear-based internal talk such as, "Don't be stupid, that may be a good idea, but it will cost too much to bring it to market," or "You don't have the credentials to do that, you didn't even finish college." If you have a whole desk drawer full of ideas you've had but haven't followed through on, you've probably been blocked by fears such as these. It's either too expensive, too risky, or not the right time. Listen to your self talk. You may be surprised at how often it's fear based. Register now to join us on May 18th as we put fear in its rightful place.

Overcome Your Fears

2006-04-29T06:16:00.000-04:00

I'm introducing something new in May, a monthly group coaching meeting on important topics with a new topic each month. May's topic is Overcome Fear. Fear plays a dominant role in our lives. Though it does serve to keep us safe, because of the prevalent use of fear in parenting, marketing, religion, employment, and politics, I find that fear limits personal growth and development for many people. Have you ever been excited about some new opportunity, but failed to follow through on it after someone, maybe even your internal-someone, reminded you that you could fail, you could be rejected, you aren't qualified, or you've failed at other ventures? Most of us have had this experience; fear limited our willingness to extend and grow. Join us on May 18 at 7 pm ET and learn to distinguish between useful fear and growth-limiting fear. We'll provide you with some tools and ideas to put fear in its rightful place. Click here for more information and to register.

I Am My Beliefs

2006-04-26T05:58:00.000-04:00

Purposeful Growth implies personal growth on purpose. Not only with purpose but on purpose; on a foundation of life purpose. Life purpose is not only the foundation for effective personal growth, it is the path and target, too. Sometimes, when we despair at not knowing life purpose, an effective way to clear the fog is to examine beliefs. Beliefs are those stored ideas about who we are, what life is all about, what is good, what is right, what is bad, and what is wrong. We all have beliefs such as these, though they are so ingrained in whom we are that we seldom recognize we have them. Beliefs not only help me define who I am, they also define who I allow myself to be. I've been writing for several years, but until I declared myself a writer--out loud as well as in writing--I was stuck in early stages of what I would write about, where I would publish, and who I would allow to read my work. For example, I would tell people that "I write articles," which is what I was doing, but not who I was being. Now I say "I'm an author and freelance writer." This subtle difference now allows me to grow purposefully as a writer; that's who I am (though that's not all I am). You'll be able to identify your limiting beliefs about your profession, or other aspects of your life, by examining how you finish this sentence: I am... What you say about yourself is who you are. It is also who you allow yourself to become. To support your growth toward the best that you can be requires beliefs that support you at that level. Being a writer puts me in the same profession as the very best writers in the world; even though I don't display that level of performance (yet), I have the headroom to get there. Nothing about the belief that I'm a writer limits my growth as a writer. Go ahead and finish the "I am" sentence and reflect upon who you say you are (or are not). Reflect upon the inherent support or limitation this belief holds for you. Now, you might be saying, "Yes, but if it's true that I'm not very good at something then saying I am good at it won't change anything. It will be a lie." The irony of this is that if I believe it then it is true for me. And then I won't permit myself to take the steps that would allow me to improve to my potential. After all, why take a writing class if I'm not a writer? What I must do is change my belief to something that gives me room to improve and is believable to me. If I can't believe I am a world-class writer, perhaps I can believe I am a writer with much more potential than I now show. This belief gives me room to grow and supports my continuing growth on purpose. What beliefs are holding you back? Jerry

Personal Development

2006-04-19T13:59:00.000-04:00

Personal Development: My April 19th article, Secrets of Success at Suite101.com describes the components of personal development behind one successful man, a regular Joe. Restrictions of my contract with Suite101.com prohibit me from reproducing the article here, but follow this link to see how one regular, everyday person has grown into a successful life. For information on how you can discover your true purpose in life, visit my web site. Jerry

Personal Development

2006-04-12T11:56:00.000-04:00

Personal Development My latest article, "Success by Real People," describes a path of success taken by an old boyhood friend. Joel Conrad's life is a wonderful example of how an ordinary person can utilize the so-called secrets of success.

Meditation Variations

2006-04-06T11:11:00.000-04:00

Spring is a time of renewal. Nature moves into a growth mode after Winter's period of rest, with the greening of grass, blooming of flowers, and leafing of trees. Animals find their mates and prepare nests for their young. Spring is a good time for humans to move into a growth mode, too. Listen to your inner calling; where is it nudging you? Spiritual growth? Improved relationship? Getting organized? Professional growth? Maybe you can't hear an inner calling, and you're thinking there's no message emanating from within, but there is; there always is. If you unsuccessfully tried the basic meditation in the March 12th Purposeful Growth Newsletter, don't give up. Meditation can be a very personal preference, so try some of the following variations and see the next article for another easy way to clarify the nudge of purposeful growth. Walk. Leave your iPod and cell phone at home and walk. As you walk, focus on one object: a cloud, a tree, a house, any object that catches your attention. Focus on it and study it intently, mentally describing everything that you can discern about it: color, size, texture, shape. If possible, stop and study it taking in every little detail. Then move on to the next object that catches your attention and do the same. This trains your mind to focus intently and deeply. Before long you may find nuggets of inner wisdom popping up as your mind becomes simultaneously focused and quiet. This is a meditation. Guided Meditation. There are many guided meditation tapes and CD's available. Listen in a quiet place, as a gentle voice takes you on a journey of imagery and imagination. As your mind focuses on the narration, you may find the small voice of inner wisdom coming through. This, too, is a meditation. See the sidebar for some recommendations. Get Your Hands Dirty. Work in a garden, trim and weed, and pamper your plants. Any routine activity using your hands, such as gardening, knitting, woodworking, or playing an instrument can help you get into a state of quiet, focused mind; the characteristics of meditation. With any meditation, be aware of nuggets of wisdom, nudges of interest, and pearls of insight that come to you. This is the small, but very wise inner voice that will guide you on your journey of purposeful growth. Having trouble hearing your inner voice? The Pillars of a Balanced Life assessment may give you some insights that will help you see your life and purpose more clearly. I think you'll enjoy the experience. Send email to Pillars@YourCoachtoSuccess.com.

Made in China

2006-04-05T07:37:00.000-04:00

My latest article at Suite101.com, Made in China, concerns itself with the virtuous living list of do's and don'ts recently issued by China's President, Hu Jintao. It's interesting to see that personal development is an important national goal; something for other nations to consider.

Book Recommendation

2006-04-02T08:38:00.000-04:00

Knowing I would have a long (3 hr) drive returning from a book signing event, I checked out an audio book, Dr. Wayne Dyer's The Power of Intention. Though I had scanned the hardcopy some time ago, I found the audio book very powerful and insightful. I recommend this book if you're serious about becoming the best you can be. Dr. Dyer is often featured on PBS broadcasts, too, which is a good way to get acquainted with his style and beliefs. Check out my Personal Development articles at http://personaldevelopment.Suite101.com.

Purpose and Meditation

2006-03-26T16:05:00.000-05:00

My second article is now available at Suite101, Purpose and Meditation describes a basic meditation useful for helping you focus internally and discover your true purpose in life. I hope you'll visit and join in on the discussion. Jerry Lopper Suite101Personal Development Writer Jump to an Easier Life!

Visit Me At Suite101

2006-03-26T16:00:00.000-05:00

I've begun a freelance writing engagement at Suite101.com. I hope you'll stop by and visit my Personal Development topic. I published my first article on March 15th, Personal Development 101, and will publish a new article every week, with blog entries more frequently. My topic page at Suite101 is at http://personaldevelopment.suite101.com/. Suite101 does not charge membership and offers articles and classes on a wide array of topics. Eventually there will be an RSS feed option so you can get a brief summary of new articles delivered to your desktop. Until then, I hope you'll visit often, join in the polls and discussions, and provide me with your feedback and suggestions. Thanks for your support, Best Wishes, Jerry What an adventure! Jerry Lopper Suite101Personal Development Writer Jump to an Easier Life!

Valentines Day

2006-02-17T08:52:00.000-05:00

Valentine’s Day Tuesday, February 14th, is Valentine’s Day in the U.S., a day set aside for recognizing loved ones with cards, gifts, and other expressions of love. Perhaps you’ve been inundated, as I have, by commercial messages imploring you to buy candy, flowers, and jewelry to show your loved one(s) you really care. There’s certainly nothing wrong with presenting gifts as a material reflection of caring, in fact, failing to do so might result in a very cold February 14th regardless of the outside temperature. But if you want to give the greatest gift of all—a gift remembered forever—give the gift of unconditional love. Unconditional love never goes out of style, reflects the most thoughtful and caring gift you can give, shows the depth of your caring, and is a gift that very few people receive. And it doesn’t cost you anything—well, you won’t expend any money, but there is a cost. To give unconditional love this Valentine’s Day you will have to give up: judging, controlling behavior, manipulation, ego satisfaction, being right, and domination. Unconditional love grants total freedom to your loved one(s). It says, “I love you just the way you are, and I will always love you—all ways.” No gift can bring more satisfaction, greater joy, or is more appreciated. Right about now your ego might be saying, “Don’t do it, he/she will run amuck and take advantage of you.” That’s the crux of the issue with unconditional love and why we so seldom grant it—ego is afraid to be vulnerable. Loving unconditionally is difficult without strong self confidence and self image that are independent of the behavior of someone else. Ego says, “Maybe someone will take advantage of you.” Do it anyway. Take a chance. Give a gift that will truly keep on giving—a gift that shows you really do care enough to give the very best. With a card, letter, electronic message, phone call, or simple declaration, utter the words we all long to hear, “I love you just the way you are, and I will always love you.” Jerry

A Resolution You Can Keep

2006-01-08T12:24:00.000-05:00

The New Year is traditionally a time of renewal, re-dedication, and resolution. Many of us resolve to lose weight, exercise, eat healthy, get more rest, improve our relationships, or learn new skills. These are all worthy resolutions; yet, for the most part, New Year Resolutions fail. New Year Resolutions tend to be directed toward long-held life behaviors. Changing these is very difficult, but that's the subject for another article (see my blog at www.yourcoachtosuccess.blogspot.com). This year why not take on a resolution that is not only easy to keep, but will bring immediate benefit. I call this the four minute resolution. Resolve to be peaceful for four minutes. Find a quiet place, a place where you will be undisturbed for four minutes. Sit with your back straight and your feet flat on the floor. If possible, close your eyes. If at work, just tell your neighbor you're resting your eyes for a minute. Breathe. That's right, just breathe; but instead of breathing subconsciously while doing twelve other tasks, make breathing your only task. Notice the air you inhale through your nose, hold it for a count or two, then notice how it feels as you exhale through your mouth. That's it! That's all there is to it. Repeat this over and over for four minutes. Think only of the breath you're now taking as you inhale and exhale. Notice how you feel. Do you feel the pleasant, untroubled activity of just being alive? This is inner peace--being alive and being aware of it. Do this for just four minutes. And if it feels good, do it for another four minutes at your first opportunity. You've now experienced Living Peace in just four minutes, reaching that inner peacefulness of being alive at this moment. Now that you know you can Live Peace for four minutes, why not resolve to Live Peace for eight minutes tomorrow. An additional four minutes just before falling asleep and just after waking up are easy to find the time for, and they'll help you sleep better and feel more refreshed for the new day. Repeat the process every day, and the next time you feel stressed, overwhelmed, or angry repeat the process and watch your emotions smooth out to a pleasant state of peacefulness. This is Living Peace. The more you do it the easier it gets, the better you feel, and the more attractive you will become to other peaceful beings. Jerry

The Secret of Successful New Year Resolutions

2006-01-03T18:17:00.000-05:00

The New Year—2006—a time of hope and renewal. A fresh start. At this time of year, many of us will look back at our lives and decide to change some things; eat healthy, lose weight, gain a new skill, improve a relationship, etc. The retail industry is well aware of this tendency; January ads feature sales on exercise equipment, organizing supplies, weight-loss programs, and other products and services linked to personal change. The New Year Resolution is a fixture in our lives, perhaps even an obligation to many. Yet most New Year’s resolutions fail within a few weeks. There are many reasons for this, of course. Some resolutions are insincere. Some are capitulations to pressure from a spouse or significant other. Some are guilt driven “shoulds,” doomed to wither silently and quickly because we didn’t really want to make the change. The word resolution stems from resolve, defined in Webster’s Collegiate as fixity of purpose. To resolve is to commit, to fully intend. Many resolutions fail because they are not authentic commitments. But what of those resolutions that seem to fail despite our commitment? What of those instances in which we sincerely desire a change, yet still fail to achieve the resolution? The answer is that we’re likely attracting exactly what we really want though we may not be aware of it. The Law of Attraction always works. We attract into our lives events and circumstances aligned with the energy we radiate. When I resolve to lose 20 pounds, yet think longingly of having that second piece of pumpkin pie, I send a mixed signal. It shouldn’t surprise me that I receive mixed results—some periods of healthy eating followed by some periods of unhealthy indulgence. There is always a payoff—a benefit—to our behaviors; to behave otherwise would be irrational and human beings are rational. Even when it doesn’t seem that we are, we always behave in ways that are appropriate to how we see ourselves in the world. So to use the Law of Attraction to the benefit of sincere New Year’s Resolutions, follow these steps: 1. Accept that the circumstance you want to change was an appropriate circumstance for you in the past—but is no longer necessary or appropriate. Determine the benefit you received from the behavior you wish to change; you may have to search a bit for this as it may be hidden deeply within your early childhood development. 2. Commit to the change. If you can’t sincerely commit then stop right here; the change attempt will fail anyway so you might as well abort it consciously and avoid feelings of guilt or failure. 3. Focus your thinking on the benefits of achieving your resolution. See yourself at a new weight, a new level of energy, or a new level of health. Make sure you focus on the positive end result you resolve to achieve and on the benefits you’ll receive. To make sure you are not sending mixed signals, find some way to achieve the benefit you were receiving from the behavior you wish to abandon (from step 1). In the best of all situations, your new behavior will also provide the benefit your old behavior provided. If it doesn’t, you’ll want to find some new way to gain that benefit; otherwise, you’ll long for it, think about it, and bring it into your life through lapses into the behavior you’re trying to abandon. When your thinking and feeling are focused continually on the positive end result you desire, it will happen—the Law of Attraction guarantees it. Now is the time to re-consider your New Year’s Resolutions. Are you committed? If so, follow the three steps I’ve outlined and enjoy the new you.

What You Do Always Counts

2005-11-07T09:29:00.000-05:00

Coming out of the library the other day, I saw a man in front of me with a tee-shirt emblazoned with the words, "You are what you do when it counts." And the first thing that popped into my mind was that it always counts. Everything we do defines who we are. It may not define who we can be, our best qualities, or highest self, but what we do always defines who we are being at that specific time. Whether you feel fully or partially self empowered, or are just exploring the self empowerment landscape, this is true: at this instant, what you are doing reflects who you are being. Pretty heavy stuff this; if you're serious about self improvement, the knowledge that what you are now doing reflects who you are being can take some of the fun out of just hanging around, for hanging around implies a state of being without specific purpose. Now, there's nothing wrong with just being. In fact, just being present in the moment can offer opportunity for insight, reflection, and appreciation of your surroundings. But it's important to be aware that you're just hanging around at this moment and consciously choose to continue or withdraw. This awareness sharpens consciousness and reinforces self empowerment. I'm certain the tee-shirt phrase meant to address how we behave under difficult and stressful conditions. For example, in the terrible aftermath of Katrina, we saw a full range of human behavior. Some rose to heroic heights, rescuing other survivors though they, too, had lost much. Others behaved much differently, using the opportunity for lawless and harmful behavior. Though perhaps not consciously, people chose whom to be and demonstrated their choices by their behavior. It is true that what we do under stressful conditions shows much about the strength of our convictions of who we are. I can be generous and giving when I have plenty. Can I still be generous and giving when nearly all I have is lost? I can if my conviction is strong. If you want a good dose of reality sometime, try this: At both lunch and dinner time, take a few moments to reflect on what you did during the past four hours. Observe not only what you did, but also who you were being that sponsored what you did. For example, let's say I became angry with a co-worker this morning. I might be tempted in my lunch-time reflection to describe the argument as something she caused. As the old saying goes, it takes two to tangle, so healthy reflection on this event would acknowledge that I must have had some part in the argument. Was I being defensive, grumpy, jealous, petty, or patronizing? Who was I being just before and during the argument? What might have caused my anger? Was it fear, which is generally a sponsor of anger? Does her work threaten me in some way? I must be open to all possibilities to truly benefit from this reflection. If you actually reflect as I've suggested and do so with an open mind, I think you'll be surprised to realize the wide range of behaviors you exhibit in just a four hour period. And a wide range of behaviors means your states of being ranged widely, too. How much of the time were your behaviors reflecting the person that you really choose to be? How often were you at your best? In writing this article, I began thinking about the percentage of time that my behaviors align with my view of who I choose to be. I asked myself if I more often than not act as my highest self. If I'm making progress toward living my true purpose in life, which is being my highest self, the best that I can be, my behaviors should be largely those that reflect me at my very best. I should be doing highest self things more often than not. I have been on a spiritual, self-empowerment growth path for several years now. Yet I'm dismayed that what I sometimes do is inconsistent with who I believe I am. Sometimes I act in ways that stem less from my highest self and more from my selfish, inconsiderate, non-aware self. Perhaps I will begin to keep a "who am I being" log, a brief diary of my states of being to sharpen my awareness and consciousness. Perhaps you will want to do the same. I must remember that I am what I do all the time--it always counts. This article originally appeared at Suite101.com

Author Suggests Making Heroes of Peacemakers

2005-10-23T09:42:00.000-04:00

Author Lisa Earle McLeod, in an article published last month by the Gwinnett (Ga.) Daily Post opens with "We women have entered into an unspoken, but very well-known and completely dysfunctional conspiracy with our own men. We want them to be big strong heroes, yet we criticize them when they resort to violence." McLeod goes on to say "We could decide that peace was sexy," and "If we decided to rewrite the job description of a hero, the world would change overnight." Peace is sexy. What a novel idea. Ms. McLeod graciously consented to this interview. Living Peace: In your column, you imply that women's expectations of their men are a source of men's violent behaviors, ultimately a source of war. Please amplify that thought. McLeod: Women underestimate the influence they have over the men they love. Most men, in their hearts, truly want to please the women they love. There's something very exciting to a woman about a man's strength. When a woman has children it puts you in a very vulnerable position, physically and economically. I think women are wired to know that the big, strong man will be the protector. But if we start thinking about what will really keep us and our children safe, we're going to have to refine that view to include intellectual strength. Living Peace: In your column, you indicate that if women decided that peace was sexy it could change the course of history. Can you describe how you see peace being sexy and how you would convey that to men? McLeod: I spoke at the September Department of Peace Conference and I spoke about making peace sexy, and that was really fun. Women know how to drop hints about what they want. If women would have conversations with their men that say, "Can you imagine how excited we women would be if you men figured out a way to quit killing each other? You want to be my hero? You want to sweep me off my feet? It would really make you my hero if we could create a generation that thought war was insane." Living Peace: What reactions have you received to your column? McLeod: For the most part I've had very positive reactions, because I come from a position that is very supportive of the military. I come from a long line of military men. People can hear the support I have for the military. Being a peace activist is very different from being an anti-war activist. As I talk to people about the Department of Peace they get very excited. The strong reactions I get are from people who believe peace activism equates to anti-war activism. Many people believe that force is the only solution. It saddens me to think they believe there is only one option to dealing with evil. In no way does making peacemakers heroes diminish the value of the military. We need both, not either one or the other. Living Peace: What advice would you like to give to Laura Bush? McLeod: A president's spouse has one important job and that is to support their spouse in being the best president they can. A female spouse plays an incredibly important role in communicating a mother's point of view. If I were to have a conversation with Laura Bush, one of the things I would want to ask her is how she is supporting her husband in helping him learn to protect every mother's child. If Laura Bush said to her husband, "You know what my idea of a hero would be? It would be the man who could create peace." All we have to do is start, and that's what Laura Bush could tell her husband, "I would like you to become a hero by starting." Living Peace: What advice might you give to Living Peace members who want to create a peaceful environment in their homes and relationships? McLeod: If you do nothing else but simply have a discussion with the men in your life about what a hero would look like to you. And with stars in your eyes say, "My kind of hero is the man who figures out a way for us to keep from killing each other." If every woman in America did that it would change overnight. Lisa McLeod is a nationally recognized speaker and the author of Forget Perfect: Finding Joy, Meaning, and Satisfaction in the Life You've Already Got. Her web site is www.ForgetPerfect.com. For a fascinating look at an eleven year old girl's view of war, go to http://www.forgetperfect.com/columns/04_dec_24.htm. From the mouths of babes... For the complete issue of the latest Living Peace newsletter go to http://LivingPeace.YourCoachtoSuccess.com

One Step to the Right

2005-10-14T09:09:00.000-04:00

My spiritual journey began nearly ten years ago with one small step--unknowingly I activated the Law of Attraction with a simple declaration of intent. This one small step toward spiritualism is the topic of my recent presentation at the 17th annual Universal Light Expo in Columbus, Ohio. The presentation, One Step to the Right was recorded live. You can listen to the full presentation here via streaming audio.

Seeing is Believing--or is it?

2005-10-07T09:06:00.000-04:00

If you’re a person who believes that seeing is believing, you may be limiting your own growth. Seeing is believing may be the test of truth for many of us, but that doesn’t mean that what we see is truth. We tend to see what we expect to see based on what we believe. I may read and re-read this article five times and still not see a misspelling, extra word, or missing word. I read what I expect to see and I believe I’ve seen it correctly. To foster a foundation for strong personal growth, change that phrase to read: believing is seeing. What you and I believe will determine what we see. Beliefs are very strong, witness the number of terrorists willing to take their own lives in pursuit of their beliefs. But before we examine the link between beliefs and self empowerment, lets review our five senses and the roles they play in our lives. We obviously rely on our senses for safety and security, watching for danger around us, listening for unusual sounds around the home at night, sniffing the air for signs of smoke, and carefully approaching the hot pan before grabbing it. We also tend to depend on our senses to explain the world around us. Many people believe that the world we experience through our five senses is reality. The sayings, “seeing is believing,” and “I’ll believe it when I see it,” represent our dependence on sight to confirm reality. Recall the phrase, “a picture is worth 1000 words?” The implication here is that a picture tells the truth, while words can be deceiving. Now with digital photography, we’ve learned that we can’t really trust a picture. Even I can easily manipulate a picture to remove or include objects. All is not as it appears. We all know human hearing is limited. As we age, we lose high frequency sensitivity. We know that sounds exist that we cannot hear. Similarly, our senses of touch, smell, and taste are very limited. Not only do our sensitivities to these vary, but our interpretations vary too. Something that tastes salty to me may be perfect for you. Pleasant odors to you may be distasteful to me. Scientists, with fair regularity, uncover aspects of our world well beyond our senses. From black holes to quarks to dimensions beyond our space-time reality, there is more to reality than we can currently explain. It’s not only our vision that sometimes deceives us; our minds contribute, too. We see what we expect to see based on our beliefs. When you stop to think about it, that makes perfect sense. Why would I “see” something that contradicts what I believe? Most of the time we refuse to do that, albeit subconsciously. Scientists even have a term for this phenomenon. It’s called cognitive dissonance, cognitive for thinking and dissonance for harsh inconsistency. We prefer to see consistent with our thinking. You’ve observed this before with a friend or relative who smokes, but refuses to acknowledge that the risks of smoking apply to them. If you’ve just bought a new object, especially something that you looked for carefully and made a studied decision to purchase, you’ll tend to overlook defects or limitations that turn up because to acknowledge them invalidates your belief that you made a wise decision. Cognitive dissonance gives us blinders that scientists term scotomas, blind spots we can’t see because to see them would require changing a belief. If you have strong, long term beliefs about certain people based on gender, age, race, or national origin, you’ll have a scotoma to characteristics that belie that belief. Now, what does all this have to do with personal growth? Well, our beliefs about ourselves and the world around us give us scotomas, blind spots, about who we are and who we can become. An example of this is the once broadly held belief that women are inherently inferior to men in math and science. The saying, “you can’t teach an old dog new tricks” captures another widely held belief about older people. Don’t get me wrong, the beliefs we hold dear aren’t all bad. In fact, our beliefs can be very helpful to us, but only when they are helpful to us. The empowered person learns to use belief to improve and to grow. Belief about self is one of the critical components of a person’s growth. A strong self image is fundamental to the decision to take over responsibility for one’s life. A person with low self image very likely will not feel sufficiently confident to take full responsibility, preferring instead to let others determine their life direction. Our beliefs not only impact what we see, but they affect every aspect of our lives. As Bert Carson said, “We are more totally confined by our old ideas than a prison inmate is confined by the walls of his cell.” Beliefs can be our prison walls or our source of freedom. They are that strong an influence upon us. Here are some ways to strengthen your sense of self- empowerment. 1. Recall your successes. Think about past achievements and recognize the part you played in this success. Refrain from diminishing your role. Instead, give yourself as much credit as you comfortably can. 2. Read about other people’s lives, especially those who have overcome difficult situations to achieve their dreams. These people have the same inherent abilities you have. We’re all created with the natural ability to succeed at our dreams. The primary determinants of success are attitude and perseverance. 3. Allow yourself to consider the possibility that you can achieve whatever you dream. Daydream readily about your successes, encouraging yourself to visualize how it will be when (not if) you achieve your dreams. 4. Accept that your beliefs are simply ideas you hold about yourself and the world around you, ideas that you’ve accumulated to help you understand and explain your surroundings. Reflect on beliefs you hold that may be preventing you from the growth you desire; change beliefs that restrict you. As you gradually increase awareness of the beliefs behind your behaviors, you may find yourself asking lots of questions and searching for new information. Life may not be as black and white as it once seemed, but you will probably feel more alive and more connected to other people. This article was originally published by and appeared at Suite101.com, where I am a contributing editor. Find additional self-empowerment articles and participate in discussions at www.Suite101.com/Welcome.cfm/9822.

Whose Life Are You Living? Why you may be living someone else’s life and how you can take back what’s yours

2005-09-10T08:18:00.000-04:00

On most days, do you feel energetic, enthusiastic, and satisfied with your life? If not, perhaps it’s because you’ve given up control of your life to others. Many of us give up accountability for our lives, depending on others for our information, advice, and decisions. Each life is unique. Each life belongs only to one person—we normally realize that fact, but still often give up accountability to others. Sometimes it’s easier that way, though less satisfying. It’s not surprising that this occurs so frequently. In our early years, we look outside of ourselves for everything we require. As young children, we are totally dependent on parents or caregivers for our very lives. They feed, clothe, and shelter us. We remain alive and secure only to the degree they continue to provide for our needs. Later, our parents teach us the rules of childhood living—the do’s and don’ts of every aspect of life in their home. We go to school and learn the three R’s, as well as cultural norms for getting along in classroom and playground. Perhaps we have religious training, providing the rules of God according to the religion of our parents. Again, all selected for us. It’s not until our teens that we begin to question; then we question everything, to the dismay of so many parents. But then we also learn a new set of rules—staying in the good graces, if not being popular, among our peers. We enter sports, hobbies, band, music, dance, and many other activities, each with an adult teaching us. Late teens, perhaps early twenties, and we’re now adults, perhaps even parents ourselves. Are we still looking to others for the rules of life? Perhaps, and it shouldn’t surprise us, for now newspapers, magazines, movies, and certainly TV all bombard us with their views of life, often describing views of life bearing little resemblance to real life itself. So-called reality shows are a prime example. Depicted as real life, these shows are tightly scripted and managed for optimum viewer attraction. Are you living the life of your dreams, or the life someone else has dreamed for you? Or perhaps you feel that life happens to you, that you are the recipient, with your only control being your ability to choose how to react It may be helpful to think of life as a play, someone writes the script, someone directs the actors, and someone plays the starring role. Thinking of your life, put names to each of these: scriptwriter, director, and star. Did you put your name down three times? To feel fully alive and have a chance at a fulfilling and satisfying life, we must recognize that we are all three; scriptwriter, director, and star. We are living the life we scripted, even if we took on the script of someone else’s life. It was still our decision to do so. If you’re a person who hasn’t been fully in charge of your life, you might be feeling discouraged about now, but the awareness that you’ve been giving up control of your life can be the beginning of an exciting new journey into self development. Can you recall the day-dreams you had as a child? Do you remember the excitement and wonder you felt at seeing yourself in your day-dream future? The enthusiasm you felt for life when you were eight years old can be yours again at twenty eight, thirty eight, or fifty eight. Life is exciting, a wonderful adventure—but only when it’s your life. If your life now seems a boring, unsatisfying, and humdrum day to day existence, why not start writing a new story? Just for the fun of it, take out a piece of blank paper and put this at the top: My New Life Story. But before you start writing anything, do this. Remember the story of Aladdin’s Lamp? Aladdin found a magic lamp and when he rubbed it a genie appeared granting him three wishes. Well, you’ve just found your magic lamp. Rub it and see the genie appear, granting you the power to wish anything for your life that you desire. Now go back to your piece of paper with My New Life Story at the top, and start writing. Write the next chapter of your life. Describe the star of your story in great detail. The star is you. How do you feel? What do you do? Who are you with? Does this new story excite you? Does it feel more like the real you? Don’t answer these questions with your head; your heart will tell you the truth. You’ll know deep inside if what you’ve written is the right path for you. It may be scary to think about, but if it feels right then it is right. At this point, perhaps your initial excitement starts to wane and you’ve put down your pen in frustration, discouraged and thinking that this just isn’t practical; it’s unrealistic, just another day-dream. This is your ego protecting the status quo. Change is hard, and it can be frightening, but dreams do come true. Scientists know that people who visualize their goals in great detail and with strong emotion, generally achieve those goals. You, too, can change your life, though not instantly as in the Aladdin story. Even though it will take some time, energy, and courage to change, taking control of your life can be very satisfying in itself. Just knowing that you are in charge, responsible and accountable for your life can bring new satisfaction and fulfillment to each day. Life’s difficulties and challenges can become more manageable, seen more as temporary obstacles than permanent blocks. Once you decide to take back control of your life you’ll probably find yourself picking up books, magazines and internet sites that provide self improvement advice. Read as much as you can. Try on suggestions for improvement. If they seem to fit keep them, if not discard them. Your path of growth is unique, just as you are unique. This article was originally published by and appeared at Suite101.com, where I am a contributing editor. Find additional self-empowerment articles and participate in discussions at www.Suite101.com/Welcome.cfm/9822.

Interview for the Newark Advocate

2005-09-02T09:14:00.000-04:00

The following article about me appeared in the Newark (Ohio) Advocate on August 31. Author's insight on inner peace may help us search our souls The most thought-provoking people in Central Ohio belong to writers' groups. Jerry Lopper and I met through the 55-Plus Writers who meet in Whitehall on East Main Street. We learn much from one another and there is always a generous amount of encouragement available. Upon meeting Jerry, I immediately realized that he is a unique person. His presence is calming; his personality joyous. Jerry, the author of, "Jump for Joy; Clearing the Hurdles to an Easy Life," was gracious enough to answer my questions about his book on inner peace. I first asked Jerry for his definition of inner peace. He responded, "To me, inner peace is calmness, tranquility, and harmony with all around me. Another way to define inner peace is unconditional love for myself and all beings. Without inner peace, we cannot have peace in our surroundings. When our culture cultivates and nourishes inner peace and we reach a critical mass of peaceful beings, wars and widespread violence will simply cease to be alternatives." Jerry shared with me the way in which he would describe himself: "I have a hunger and drive to continue to grow, to learn, and to contribute as the best husband, father and coach I can be. I have an appetite to understand myself and others, and to use this knowledge to better my life and the lives of those with similar interests." The Web site http://www.yourcoachtosuccess.com/ invites you to learn much more about his understanding of inner peace and how to achieve it. His book is also available at this web site. Achieving this state of mind may be a worthwhile challenge for us. Be prepared to consider some soul-searching questions about yourself. One compelling passage in the book addresses, "The Hurdle of Judgment" and goes on to explain that "judging the action and behaviors of others robs us of time, creative energy and joy." There is no joy in pronouncing, justifying and sustaining our judgments." How true this is. We spend far too much energy criticizing the behavior of others who inhabit our world, our neighborhood, our work place or our personal space. Can you remember the last time you were judgmental or critical of someone? His insightful book is the result of his own effort to understand why his life seemed such a constant struggle. I recommend the book to you. Jerry has accepted an invitation to speak at the annual Universal Light Expo, Vets Memorial, West Broad Street, Columbus, at 11 a.m. Oct. 9. His presentation is titled, "One Step to the Right" in which he describes his growth to spirituality. This will be an exceptional opportunity to share his concepts and to understand your own pathway to inner peace. For information on the 55-Plus Writers in Whitehall or the Crooksville Art Council Pen & Quill writers in Crooksville, Ohio, contact Ann Monske at eastofheath@earthlink.net. Monske is a freelance writer who lives in Newark.

Department of Peace

2005-08-27T09:01:00.000-04:00

Peace is a state of mind, a pre-disposition to tranquility and harmony with all, a way of being that excludes harm to others. Does it make sense to establish a peace department within the most powerful government on earth? Representative Dennis Kucinich, Ohio, is sponsoring legislation to create a department of peace within the Executive Branch of the United States government. Normally, my gut reaction to government growth is negative; the government is already too huge, too expensive, and too inefficient. But a department of peace, a cabinet level department included in the closed-session proceedings of government policy and operations. Now that's government growth with the potential for startling new processes of international and domestic problem resolution. Peace is a state of mind, a way of being. What state of mind predominates in current U.S. government policy? There may be an underlying quest for peace among governmental agencies and leaders, but the processes and skills being utilized tend to be aggressive and violent. The current way to peace seems to be through power: financial, political, and military. Gandhi summed up the problem with seeking peace through our traditional governmental approaches to problem resolution, "There is no way to peace, peace is the way." Something must change; past practices have not brought us lasting peace. Will a Department of Peace lead us to peace? Quoting from the Peace Alliance web site, "The Department of Peace will facilitate the most cutting edge ways to wage peace. From nonviolent communication skills, to conflict resolution techniques and cultural relationship building, the Department of Peace will employ proven and effective strategies for diminishing violence in our country and in our world. As a member of the President’s cabinet, the Secretary of Peace will provide the President; the State Department; the Departments of Defense, Education and Justice with greatly expanded problem solving options. The Department of Peace will also provide support for state and local government to address issues of domestic violence." I'm in favor of establishing a Department of Peace, the start of a new way of thinking in government. Do you agree ? Vote your opinion at our discussion board. Jerry

Latest Living Peace Newsletter

2005-08-05T08:18:00.000-04:00

Following are two articles from the August 5th Living Peace Newsletter. If this is helpful to you please visit the Living Peace web site and join others in living more peaceful lives. Living Peace August 5, 2005"There is no way to peace. Peace is the way" - Gandhi What Does it Mean to Live Peace? There is a Yiddish saying that translates to something like this: If not now, when? If not you, who? That is the substance of Byron Katie's quote (see the 2nd sidebar). It is up to you and me; we are the only ones able to move peace forward. When shall we begin? When the Iraqi war is over? When Israel and Palestine reach a permanent peace fire? When India and Pakistan begin a peaceful co-existence? No, we've been waiting for a current war to end for hundreds of years. Wars will not end until we practice peace; peaceful approaches to disagreement, peaceful viewpoints toward the differences among humans, and peaceful acceptance of all beings. Wars will continue until our population, including our leaders, recognizes that war is not a viable path to peace. The time is now. And we can each begin by building a peaceful environment in our homes, at work, and in the community in which we live. It's very easy to do. No funding is required, no legislations is necessary, and no one else must be convinced. Just you and me. Living Peace does not require total obedience to the desires and behaviors of others. Disagreement among humans is literally guaranteed by our uniqueness. The human practicing Living Peace approaches disagreement with the foundation belief that solutions are available which harm no one. They simply must be uncovered. There is a peaceful solution to each potential conflict. If not now, when? If not you, who? If you and I preach peace but treat others abusively and disrespectfully, we are supporting war. If you and I believe conflict is the fault of the other guy, the other nation, and the other race, then we are not only supporting, we are encouraging war. Jerry The Peaceful Parent Presenting Your Child as A Person My teen-aged daughter has the great fortune of her father’s wisdom. When he meets the young man who comes to the door for a date, he invites him in for a chat. In the exchange, Dad is sure to bring up a story, or three, of his daughter’s infancy and childhood (poopie diapers and first frustrations are not exempt from disclosure). And, if time allows, pictures are shown to support the tale. He does this, he explains, to ensure that his daughter is recognized as the person she is, and not objectified. Objectified is defined as presenting or regarding someone as an object. It is easier to rationalize abusing or mistreating an object than a human being. “Because we have objectified animals, we are able to treat them impersonally” (Barry Lopez). Then, before dismissing the date with his daughter for the evening, he looks him in the eye and says, “You are leaving here with the most important person in the world to me. I am trusting you to take care of her and to return her to me safely.” Wow. In just a few short minutes, her father has reinforced that she is not only a human being, but is a treasured human being. Furthermore, he has enlisted the young man as an ally, entrusted with her care. In addition to setting a young man's expectations for my daughter's treatment, there is a wonderful side effect; this has made a world of difference in my daughter’s perception of her self. She expects to be treated well. As my son grows to young adulthood, I shall look to provide the same umbrella for him. Meanwhile, I shall introduce him as a person. And I shall nod in respect, extending my hand when appropriate, to every person of every age. “Nice to know you.” I welcome your feedback about experiences, ideas, and suggestions for ending the objectification of human beings. In loving kindness, Tamara [Editor's note: I can still remember my son Matthew's expression of surprise and pleasure when, as a young teen, I formally introduced him by full name to a business associate. Sporting a big grin and no longer presented as a child, he immediately stood proud and tall.] What's New - a request for your help Our Living Peace mailing list and web site traffic continues to grow, though slowly. Please help us to reach more people by sending your personal recommendation for Living Peace to three people or organizations--do it today while it's fresh in your mind. Better yet... Can you devote 30 minutes a week to Living Peace? That's all it would take to bring Living Peace to the attention of others by visiting appropriate web sites and discussion groups and posting a brief recommendation about Living Peace. If you've been searching for a way to promote peaceful living, this is for you. Volunteer via email to jerry@yourcoachtosuccess.com.

Jump for Joy!

2005-07-11T08:50:00.000-04:00

Life is very difficult. It’s a jungle out there—eat or be eaten. The golden rule—do unto others before they do unto you. Life is a struggle. Are these sayings familiar? Perhaps you or someone you care about says these and similar things about life. I used to hold comparable beliefs, but no longer. I generally see the easy adventure of life now. Jump for Joy! Clearing the hurdles to an easy life describes ten concepts I learned to use to ease my life. I’ve self-published Jump for Joy! which is now available for preview and purchase in soft cover or download at http://www.lulu.com/content/13704. I invite you to consider Jump for Joy! for your summer personal growth reading or as a thoughtful gift to a loved one.

Soul Story

2005-07-07T07:30:00.000-04:00

A young man contracts a fatal disease and dies leaving a grieving wife, two bewildered young children and parents who never expected to outlive their child. We ask why? We visualize the grief surrounding his death and the difficult years ahead for his family without husband and father to share and celebrate birthdays, Holidays, graduations, and grandchildren, and we grieve too. We wonder how this fits into the picture we hold of life’s perfection and its natural progression. His death doesn’t fit our picture and we wonder if we’ve misled ourselves. Seeing the beauty and ease of life is very difficult at these times. Unless… Three Souls gather in excited discussion. They are clearly communicating, though not with spoken language. The location is serene and heavenly. [1st Soul]: “I’ve decided that my next life experience will be one of extreme and total dependence. I want to know what it’s like to be totally dependent on others for every aspect of my daily life. I want the experience of needing someone to care for every detail of my survival. And I want to learn to accept that care without guilt and regret, accepting every act of care with only love for what others choose to do for me.” [2nd Soul]: “That’s a challenging experience. I did that once and learned much from it, though it was very difficult. I’ll be happy to help you with that. You see, I have planned to gather the experience of care-giving, of giving everything to another for no other reason than the love I have to offer. I want to experience the flow from selfish resentment to anger to joy that I have so much to give and it is accepted. I will happily be your care-giver.” [3rd Soul]: “That’s perfect. The experience that I was planning was villainous. I want to experience the results of doing harm to another through my own selfish, unthinking, and irresponsible behavior. I want to know what that’s like. My last experience was wonderful. I was so utterly responsible and dependable that every one counted on me. But I wondered about those who were opposite. What does it feel like to cause harm to others because of my own irresponsible behavior. How does one go on with life knowing the pain and anguish they have caused another? I will be the cause of your dependence. I only ask that at some level you do not hate me. That you recognize this is just an adventure that we have jointly planned and that we are willing participants. I ask that deep within your subconscious you recognize that my role is as difficult as yours, but that I play it willingly out of love for you.” [1st Soul]: “Yes. Upon your doing harm to me I will be fearful for my life and my future, and then my fear will move to anger for the fate I am dealt and I will hate you with a fury. I hope that I will be able to move through those intense and terrible feelings and forgive—forgive both you and myself. And then I will feel your love and my love for you. Oh, I’m very excited to get started.” [All three Souls]: “It is agreed then. Let us begin.” The three souls fade into a blur of heavenly beauty, leaving an air of serenity and anticipation. Is this the way it happens? Is the event that seems tragic to us simply a delicate, though complex interweaving of planned experiences of the soul? I feel comforted believing this scenario about the young man. The impact on family is intense, but if they too are fulfilling their predetermined roles, then all is as it should be—even my grief. Jerry

More on Peace and Anger

2005-06-30T09:04:00.000-04:00

In the last posting, I wrote about peace and anger. I indicated that a person can still be peaceful while feeling anger if no harm is done to others. A few days later I saw an article in the June 13 Time magazine, 10 Questions for Danica Patrick. Danica is the Indy racecar driver who has caught the attention of racing fans and media. She is young, female, and attractive. And drives 200 mph race cars--everything celebrated in our culture today. In response to the question, "How do you handle traffic jams? (in civilian driving)," Danica responded in part, " I hate them. I hate slow drivers. I hate left-lane drivers... I have road rage every day. Every day." (Emphasis is mine.) Road rage every day. Thinking about that nearly makes me ill. Here is a popular young woman, very visible to the media and therefore to young people everywhere. Think of the role modeling going on here. Road rage every day. Hating slow drivers. I'm sad for Danica, assuming she really does have road rage frequently because habitual anger is unhealthy. I'm also sad for what that says about our culture. Sure, it's annoying when you're in a hurry, but where is the compassion for others, the tolerance for elderly drivers, or those who might be confused and unfamiliar with local roads? Recently, in the city I live in an incensed passenger in a car who felt another driver cut them off confronted the "offending" driver and stabbed him to death. A young father died because of road rage. While this may be an extreme example of road rage, it's common to see drivers shouting, swearing, and offering obscene gestures to other drivers. What do you model when confronted by slow, aggressive, or otherwise inconsiderate drivers, traffic jams, construction, and inadequate highways? I admit that at times I begin to feel angry at these behaviors. That's when I must remember that the situation isn't personal, it's just a circumstance of inattention, poor judgment, or some other cause that isn't really directed at me. Besides, no matter what my destination, arriving a few minutes later can't really matter. So the first feelings of anger are a sure sign to relax, deep breathe, and search for compassion. When I find that place within that is loving and understanding of others, I immediate feel relaxed and calm. This feels so much better than the tension of anger. This is living peace. Jerry

Peace and Anger

2005-06-19T07:59:00.000-04:00

Does living peacefully mean I can never be angry? If I become angry have I failed to be peaceful? Anger is a human emotion. Peace is a state of being. They are not mutually exclusive. I can live peacefully, even when the emotion of anger overtakes me if I resolve my anger without harm to another. Anger is always about me, not the other person. I may blame another for my anger, but that blame is misplaced. Anger is mine. It is my choice, though perhaps a subconscious choice, to become angry in response to another's words or actions. Yoda, the wise Jedi of Star Wars said it best, "Fear leads to anger, anger leads to hate, hate leads to suffering." Fear leads to anger, so anger is always fear based. When I recognize and acknowledge that my anger results from something I fear, I find the anger diminishes significantly. The energy of anger and the fear that sponsored it diminish markedly with the simple acknowledging statement, "I'm angry because I'm afraid that..." Living peacefully doesn't require that I never become angry. It merely requires that I handle my anger as my anger, not someone else's responsibility. This is not always easy. But it's always appropriate. The next time you find yourself becoming angry, take a few seconds to reflect on what you may be fearing. Then acknowledge the fear and watch your anger diminish. The next time someone becomes angry in your presence, see if you can discern the fear that feeds their anger. Helping them see and acknowledge this fear will diffuse the anger and let them know you hear. Jerry

First and Foremost, We're Spiritual Beings

2005-05-23T07:01:00.000-04:00

“We are not human beings on a spiritual path, but spiritual beings on a human path,” says Dr. Lauren Artress, an Episcopal priest. Read that quote again and think about it for a bit. Let it roll around in your mind. Doesn’t it cause a powerful change in how we view our human experience? Believing we’re human beings on a spiritual path implies that we’re on a quest, searching for or seeking spirituality from our human platform. Searching and seeking inherently imply that failure is possible, that we may have difficulty in finding what we’re looking for. If we believe that we’re primarily humans seeking spirituality then spirituality is something we aspire to but might not reach, something for which we are eligible but might not qualify, and something we can strive for, but perhaps not achieve. Once more, “We’re not human beings on a spiritual path, but spiritual beings on a human path.” This has totally different implications for us. It means we’re already there. We need not seek spirituality, it’s already within us. We are spiritual beings pursuing a path of humanity for the experience of being human. In the human existence we are able to experience love and fear, joy and despair, bondage and freedom, nurturing and victimization, and many, many more from a vast array of activities and emotions available to us. Our spiritual selves have knowledge of all these emotions and activities, but can not experience them—only as humans can we have these experiences. Seeing our lives differently, as primarily spiritual beings brings us the freedom to simply be, to enjoy, to love unconditionally, and to abandon fear. Spiritual beings need not fear death, need not fear failure, nor wonder if they are loved. As spiritual beings, we know we are loved, indeed we are love. We know we will succeed, we cannot fail. Spiritual beings have it all. And so do we, when we recognize our true nature as spiritual beings. Our lives are sometimes a joy and often a pain. But a simple reversal of perspective on who we are can make all the difference in the world in how we perceive the things that are happening to us and around us, the things we’re doing and failing to do, the things we’re afraid to do, the things we’d love to do, and the people we’d love to be if we weren’t so afraid. Accepting that spirituality is the real me—the lasting and everlasting me—allows me to enjoy the ups and downs of my human life without taking it all too seriously. For me then, life becomes an adventure to enjoy. Jerry

Unconditional Parenting- a book review

2005-05-03T09:17:00.000-04:00

This Week’s Article Alfie Kohn is not afraid to take on commonly-held beliefs and dash our reliance on them with research-based conclusions. An earlier book, No Contest, pointed out that our Western culture encouraging competition in nearly all facets of our lives fails to deliver on the widely held belief that competition increases productivity, creativity, and achievement. Now Kohn takes on widely held attitudes about parenting, and offers research to suggest our popular child-raising strategies are faulty. Unconditional Parenting, a book review Alfie Kohn’s latest book, Unconditional Parenting is a must read for parents, grandparents, those aspiring to parenthood, and anyone entrusted with child care. Unlike most books on how to raise children, Kohn’s conclusions on what works and what doesn’t are based on research—he cites more than 30 pages of notes and references for his conclusions. Kohn claims that prevailing child-raising strategies based on controlling behavior do not work in the long run. Controlling behavior covers the full gamut from spanking to rewarding, which may surprise many parents used to the practice of catching their child doing something good and then gushing praise. Time-outs, another recent favorite, are similarly discouraged as is the more traditional verbal and physical punishment. All these controlling methods either withhold love or imply that love may be withheld. Kohn points out, with a humorous and easy-to-read style, that focusing on behavior control implies conditional love to the child, regardless of parental intent. Any strategy based on controlling behavior without understanding or acknowledging underlying causes is probably at odds with what most parents hope will be the adult version of their child. If independent thinking, curiosity, self-confidence, and moral values are your long term goals for your child, consider that these traits must be modeled, taught, and nurtured during childhood to develop in adulthood. Tightly controlled behavior, commands without explanation (because I’m the father, that’s why!), and the implication that love must be earned by “proper” behavior teach dependence, manipulative behavior, and control of others. Hardly the skill set we desire for our soon-to-be-adults. Unconditional parenting is simply unconditional love, focused on the parent/child relationship. All the reasons you and I want to be loved unconditionally are important to our children too. They want to feel loved because of who they are, not because of what they do or do not do. They, too, want to feel self worth, enjoy the freedom to express who they are, have the opportunity to explore and grow, and enjoy the simple process of living. What does Kohn advise? Listen to your child. Listen carefully and generously. Put yourself in your child’s position. See the circumstances and events of each interaction from your child’s perspective. Yes, there will be times when the child’s safety demands a firm declaration of behavior. When that is appropriate, explain it. But don’t overuse it. Seeing the world from your child’s perspective takes more time, and will take some practice if, like many of us, your parenting has been based largely on reward and punishment. The next time you feel yourself on the verge of declaring or demanding a behavior for your child, consider how to do so while teaching and modeling the long term values you desire for him or her. “Do it or else” may be the fastest way to convey what you want, but what is it teaching? Jerry

Living Peace

2005-05-01T08:59:00.000-04:00

How peaceful is your normal day? Living Peace is an initiative I recently began to offer tools and resources to help us live peaceful lives. Not an anti-war effort, Living Peace instead focuses on ways each of us can live with the joy of inner peace, each and every day. Much of our world is tumultuous, from the daily news to the gossip at work. But we each can create a peaceful surrounding for our lives despite the swirling conflict around us. This is the purpose of Living Peace. Is your day peaceful? Or are you caught up in anger, anxiety, finger-pointing, and fear as you go about your activities? Do I have all the answers to help you create an inner peace and a joyous surrounding for you and your loved ones? No, but together we do. Join the only peace effort you can really control—your own peace. As a subscriber, I know you seek the peace and joy of enlightenment. I do too. Recognizing we learn best by teaching, I hope you’ll visit http://livingpeace.yourcoachtosuccess.com, join the mailing list, and contribute to the discussion forum. This is not a commercial effort. There is no cost to you. There is nothing for sale at this site, nor are there commercial ads or pop-ups. I hope you’ll contribute your experiences and your wisdom to those of us desiring to Live Peace. Jerry

Guaranteed Win

2005-03-28T17:01:00.000-05:00

What if you entered a game, such as a multi-million dollar lottery, and you couldn’t lose. What if you were guaranteed to win the lottery. Wouldn’t that be exiting? Ah, but how about everyone else in the game, what about them? Oh, they’re guaranteed to win too. What kind of lottery is this? What if your favorite athletic team is guaranteed to win a national championship? No matter how many mid-season wins and losses, they’re guaranteed to win the championship—and everyone else’s favorite team is also guaranteed a win. What if you knew you would win any game you played: checkers, chess, and tennis, all of them? If you knew you would win, you would be free to participate in the experience, the process of playing the game. Would it still be fun and exiting? You might think knowing the outcome would diminish your pleasure and excitement, but I don’t agree. The joy is in the process. If you’ve ever played a game in which the outcome was unimportant for you, but playing the game was very important, you know what I mean. This often happens when playing a game with a child; the fun is in the playing. Now consider that life is such a game—the outcome assured. We will win the game of life. How do I define winning? Not dying, not being wrong, and not failing. Life is eternal; my body has limited physical life, but my soul is eternal. The real me—the life behind my body, the being behind my mind—is eternal. I can’t die. I can’t lose. I can’t fail. I can experience short term wins and losses, short term successes and failures while shooting for a goal and falling short. I can have the experience of doing harm to another or of being a victim. I can have the experience of childhood happiness or childhood abuse. I can have the experience of dying a blissful or a violent death. These are simply experiences for my eternal soul—experiences made richer by contrast. The joy of love is all the sweeter for knowing the despair of fear. Joy itself is all the more wondrous for having known misery. Inner peace comes when we know that this life experience isn’t all there is. Knowing that today’s crisis, as well as tomorrow’s success, is temporary and insignificant in relation to the eternity of life is both freeing and disturbing. Eckhart Tolle, in Stillness Speaks, says: “What will be left of all the fearing and wanting associated with your problematic life situation that every day takes up most of your attention? A dash—one or two inches long, between the date of birth and the date of death on your gravestone. To the egoic self, this is a depressing thought. To you, it is liberating.” Inner peace is a characteristic of those who know deep down that they’ll win the ultimate game—the game of life. Inner peace allows us to experience life’s ups and downs with a detachment that encourages observing, “Isn’t this interesting? What an adventure! I’m happy today. Tomorrow I may be filled with anguish.” So many of us live lives out of fear, so many of us inflict our fears upon others. So many of us control others through fear. There is nothing to fear. Every spiritual master has told us this over and over. At a deep spiritual level, we know this to be true. But at times we’re afraid to believe it. What if they’re wrong? What if I don’t toe the line? What if I violate the dogma of my religion? Maybe I’ll burn in hell for my transgressions. So we toe the line. We accept the beliefs; we follow the dogma out of fear. We fear that Jesus was wrong, that Buddha was wrong, that the Dalai Lama was wrong, that our inner voice is wrong. It’s so hard at times to know what is right and what is wrong. Everyone has an opinion, from how to live your life to how to raise children. Everyone has an opinion. Some opinions count for more than others do because of the power, the position, the success, or wealth of the authority. The only real truth is that which feels right, which brings to the surface of you and me the feeling of joy—the feeling of knowing something is right for us. That is always truth. We all feel that truth at times. But many of us then allow ego to jump in and raise a question; what if you fail, what if you’re making a mistake? What if people humiliate and reject you? And so we’re torn. We look for direction and approval from others. We don’t do our thing. We do the accepted thing. We don’t say what we believe. We say what is acceptable to believe. Truth is always personal, always individual, and always available to us. We will always know our truth by the way we feel. Not by what we think, but what we feel. If there is even the slightest tinge of exaltation, of joy, of knowing that something is right for you, then it is right for you. And when you feel comfortable listening to your ego, listening to the objections of others and knowing they are simply giving their opinions, beliefs, and fears for you, you’ll find inner peace. If you’re willing to go your own way, to take the path less traveled, but the path that is right for you, you will have won. And the good news is that you will win anyway. If not on this step of the journey, then the next one. So experience the joy, the frustration, the success, and the failure. Examine the behaviors you’re proud of and those you’d do differently. Learn from them, grow from them, and benefit from them. You will win. Jerry

Living Peace

2005-03-19T07:44:00.000-05:00

What Does it Mean to Live Peace? What is peace? We tend to think in terms of what it's not--war. But peace is not the absence of war, nor the absence of hostilities, conflicts, and insurgencies. Just as health is more than the absence of cancer or diabetes, peace is more than a cessation of hostility. We must begin thinking of peace in terms of what it is. At its core, peace is a state of quiet or tranquility, inner contentment, and harmony with all that is. Peace, by its nature, cannot be attained by conquest nor by violent retaliation. Individuals seeking peace in life must shift their thinking and behaviors from getting ahead to getting calm; from getting even to getting in harmony; from external conquest to inner contentment. Living peace is living tranquilly and harmoniously at all times. Picture yourself on a mild summer day with a light breeze blowing through tall flowers around a placid lake. You are alone with your thoughts or sitting quietly with a loved one or cherished friend. This place is tranquility. Further, picture yourself filled with love and connected to all that surrounds you: bright yellow flowers, deep green grass, soft blue-green water, and blue sky punctuated by fluffy white clouds. You are tranquility and harmony. You are living peace. Now take this vision with you as you re-enter your day. The TV is blaring, the dog is barking, two people are quarreling, your phone is ringing, and some electronic gadget is beeping. Turn off the disharmony you can control - in this example, the TV, the phone, and the electronic gizmo if you can find it. Pet the dog or feed it if it's time. If the quarreling people are within your sphere of influence, project your love to them, touch both lightly and lovingly on an arm or shoulder, and ask them to resolve their disagreement immediately and quietly or take it away from your space. If you are not able to influence them, remove yourself physically. If this isn't possible, then remove yourself mentally--tune out the conflict. Do you share our goal of living a peaceful life? If so, it isn't enough to state a generality. You must clarify what living a peaceful life means to you and do so in some detail. For me, to live peace means to live with tranquility and harmony. When I find myself in the midst of turmoil and disharmony, I will either bring harmony and tranquility to the situation or remove myself. I choose to avoid CNN, Jerry Springer, and "reality' shows. I choose to read, listen to, and discuss topics from a perspective of peace. Am I ignoring reality? I'm choosing to put my energy into peace, no more ignoring reality than if I focused primarily on conflict and tumult. Reality is only what I perceive it to be. What does living peace look like for you? Please share your view of living peace on our message board at http://www.livingpeace.bravehost.com/. Click the "Message Board" link on the upper left and then click "join the forum" on the next screen. I hope to hear from you. Jerry

Living Peace--a new website

2005-03-07T11:03:00.000-05:00

If you're a person who lives a peaceful life each and every day, or someone who wants to, I encourage you to visit a new website: www.livingpeace.bravehost.com. This site is devoted to the concept of living peace. This is not an anti-war site, it is a pro-peace site. Pro-peace at the individual level. The site is new, but growing. If you are successfully living peace each day (or nearly each day), we could use your success stories and ideas. Post them at the message board. And sign up for the mailing list to get our newsletter. If you're looking for ways to be more peaceful, despite the turmoil, chaos, and conflict swirling around you, please post your situation or ask questions on the message board. We'll do our best to give you our best advice. And, of course, please sign up for the mailing list. If you like what you see, please contribute and feel free to recommend the site to your friends. Jerry

US and THEM

2005-02-22T16:14:00.000-05:00

This Week’s Article Peace is on my mind lately. Not just the obvious armed conflicts throughout the world, but the scarcity of peace within individual lives. It seems that conflict offers more enjoyment and more excitement than does peace. People are getting energy in their lives through the drama of conflict. If you’re tired of conflict in your life, I recommend Deepak Chopra’s Peace is the Way. I’m thinking of starting a newsletter or website devoted to helping individuals find peace in their lives. The goal is peaceful lives, one person at a time. If you’d be interested in joining me, please email jerry@yourcoachtosuccess.com, with peace in the subject line. Us and Them Of all the words of conflicted man, the most damaging are us and them. The very use of these two words focuses people on differences—we must be different from them, or they would be us. What they want might be in conflict with what we want. We must band together against them to get what we want. It’s us versus them. That’s the way the story often goes—pitting us against them. Labeling people as them—who are opposed to and different from us—is often used to unify a group of people. Misguided leadership finds a way to create a common enemy to motivate and unify people under the leader’s influence. We see this every day in business, sports, education, politics, and international relations. Countries at war demonize the opposition, making it easier on the psyche to accept killing, maiming, and destruction. Individuals belittle other individuals, attributing harmful behaviors based on some observable characteristic such as race, gender, or even school affiliation. Attaining and maintaining the state of mind of us and them is a critical component of every conflict. It’s the way the human ego overcomes the soul’s natural intention to love. It’s the way the ego causes separation, which is crucial to the process of conflict. It’s the way we focus on differences instead of similarities. Do you have an ongoing adversarial relationship with someone? If so, what do you think of when you think of that person? Do you think that she’s a human being just like you? Do you think that she’s doing her best in life just as you are? Probably not. You likely focus on things she does that you don’t do: differences in appearance, behavior, dress, speech, and beliefs. Focusing on her differences helps you maintain the alienation required to sustain conflict. Try an experiment: Think of this person with whom you have regular disagreement—visualize him or her clearly in your mind. Make a list of everything that is like you: hair color, eyes, height, clothing, sense of humor, and anything else you can identify. Consider the fears this person might have. Identify whom he or she might love. Outline the person’s strengths and vulnerabilities. Do you now think of him or her differently than before? Has the person changed, or have you changed your perception? Does your leader practice us and them motivation? If we fail to question us and them leadership, we are easily controlled by the misguided, self-righteous, and power hungry. As we focus on what makes others different from us, we reinforce separation from the unity of all souls. There is seldom joy in living based on separation. The joy in life arises when we feel our common bonds, our unity, not our apparent differences. There is no them. There is only us. Jerry

The Power of Faith

2005-02-15T15:50:00.000-05:00

Yahoo! News - Boy Who Dubbed Tumor 'Frank' Cancer-Free Is there any doubt that faith and a positive attitude can heal? Not after reading this article. The nine year old boy with a grapefruit sized cancerous brain tumor is now cancer free. He accomplished this with medical help and two very powerful spiritual principles. He embraced his tumor, calling it Frank. Then declared that Frank must die. He had faith and knew he would survive. He could see the positive end result of being cancer free. And he gave his surgeon a pebble with the word "courage" on it. What a marvelous story. Read it for yourself and have faith that you can overcome anything. Jerry

Conflict and Choice

2005-02-04T13:57:00.000-05:00

Classes The Purpose in Life Workshop held earlier this month was a great success. There’s still time to enroll in “Ten Steps to an Easier Life,” held at Gentle Wind in Gahanna, Ohio on Feb. 19 & 26. Call 471-2281 to enroll. To enroll in “Attracting the Life You Desire, and what to do when something else shows up,” a class available by telephone, send email to jerry@yourcoachtosuccess.com, with Attract in the subject line. This Week’s Article Conflict and Choice Conflict is exciting. Conflict is energizing. Conflict is a choice. The word conflict implies hostility, aggression, and active opposition. We humans enjoy conflict. Admit it. Deepak Chopra, in his new book Peace is the Way, tells us that war is satisfying. Can that be true? Satisfaction implies fulfillment and pleasure. Do we really gain pleasure and fulfillment from war? For many people, including many world leaders, the answer seems to be an unfortunate yes. A US Marine general recently commented that “… it’s fun to shoot some people.” Observe current leaders on both sides of the Iraqi war or the Palestinian-Israeli conflicts. To me they appear energized and engaged by the conflict. Is the drama of war satisfying? I’m sure leaders regret the loss of life inherent in war-time activities; yet, the power and focused-purpose of prosecuting war seem to overshadow the loss of life and property. War is not the only conflict swirling around us each day. Turn on daytime television in the US. You’ll see melodramatic conflict in long-running soap operas. Millions watch daily. For more direct and raw conflict, turn on one of the popular daytime “talk” shows; these routinely degenerate into physical confrontation between talk show guests, spurred on by the host and cheering audience. Or how about the so-called reality shows, which routinely pit participants against each other in aggressive winner-take-all situations. These forms of entertainment draw millions of viewers; evidence that conflict is great fun, and also the way to resolve problems. Before you congratulate yourself for remaining detached or aloof from these aggressive behaviors, examine the conflicts in your daily activities. Do you enjoy complaining about and diminishing your spouse, your boss, your teacher, or your “best” friend? Do you feel energized while lambasting your company’s performance, or your government’s efficiency? Do you criticize, puffed up at feeling superior, without the responsibility for solutions? Disagreement is an unavoidable result of our human diversity. When freedom of choice and the power of imagination combine with the energy of intention human desires are bound to clash. The issue is in how we resolve disagreement—destructively through conflict or constructively through negotiation and compromise. Our culture promotes and validates destructive conflict resolution; I win by causing you to lose. One side of an issue, whether between individuals, groups, cities, or nations, works to defeat the other side—one wins, the other loses. We resolve through verbal, physical, or political domination—through aggressive and hostile behaviors. But there are other ways to resolve conflict. Positive conflict resolution strives to find a way for each side of an issue to win. Win-win is only possible, though, when both sides intend to find a solution that does not dominate, does not denigrate, and does not intimidate. A win-win philosophy harbors no thought of violence or domination. A good way to visualize constructive conflict resolution is the process sometimes used by two friends dividing up a single cookie. One person cuts it; the other person selects her half. We must avoid getting caught up in what is right and what is wrong. Conflict has nothing to do with right and wrong, which are only relative and perceptive judgments—fluid and ever changing. Remember that each side in every conflict believes it is right and the opponent is the aggressor—even a pre-emptive attack is justified as a defense against an aggressor planning attack. Each act of aggression is justified in the eyes of the aggressor as a defense. Each side believing it is right is as true in war between nations as in an argument between spouses. Is conflict between humans inevitable? History might say yes, but that is only because we are conditioned to aggressive problem resolution. Disagreement is inevitable. How we resolve disagreement is choice. When we resolve disagreement with conflict—with hostile and aggressive behavior—we forget that we are all one magnificent soul. In reality, we are attacking ourselves. Conflict is our choice. Jerry

Our Immense Universe

2005-01-23T08:34:00.000-05:00

How big is big? Our known Universe is larger than human comprehension. Just recently (January 6th), an article in Nature described discovery of a space explosion. Not just an explosion, but the largest known explosion in space. This blast was equal to "trillions and trillions of atomic bombs" according to astronomer Brian McNamara. A trillion is a big number...one followed by 12 zeroes. This blast was equivalent to multi-trillion atomic bombs. Why didn't we feel it here on earth? Because it occured so far away that the energy disappated before reaching earth. How far away? 2.6 billion light-years away. Light travels at 186,300 miles per second in a vacuum. A light-year is the distance light can travel in one year: in miles that's about 5.9 followed by 12 zeroes. Now multiply that by 2.6 followed by 9 zeroes. Wow! This blast, in miles, was about 15 followed by 21 zeroes distant from Earth. It's no wonder we were unaffected by a huge blast at this distance. Now my point is this: our Universe is huge! Beyond human comprehension. The blast I reference didn't occur at the edge of our Universe--no one knows where that is. It occured out there in just one direction. And it left two gigantic "holes", each large enough to hold 650 galaxies equivalent to our Milky Way. So far I've focused on the size of our Universe. But think of the energy inherent in this event. Trillions and trillions of atomic bombs worth of energy in just one astronomical explosion. And we didn't even feel it! It was inconsequential to us here on Earth. Pondering the immensity of our Universe must cause both spiritualists and scientists alike to say, Wow! For me, this reinforces my belief in God, for I can concieve of no other source of the energy and magnitude of what we call our Universe. Jerry

Reconciling Belief in God in Today's World

2005-01-07T10:53:00.000-05:00

This Week’s Article If you’re like me, you struggle to reconcile your spiritual beliefs with the death, destruction, and hate in the world. This article stems from my personal effort to acknowledge daily events while remaining grounded and comfortable in my beliefs. Reconciling Belief in God in Today’s World An earthquake strikes under the Indian Ocean and the resulting tsunami kills over 150,000 people. Conflict, violence, and murder prevail in Iraq and many other countries. God loves us. God does not punish us for human behaviors. We attract our life circumstances and situations, as individuals and collectively as nations and cultures. How can we reconcile these apparently conflicting statements? Did these 150,000 people, many of them children, really attract death by drowning? How can God love us and allow so much destruction? Do the daily doses of death, murder, and mayhem demonstrate there is no God? As a person who believes in a loving, non-punitive God, and the ability of humans to create their life circumstances, I sometimes struggle to explain recent world events in terms of my beliefs. Yes, I can construct a scenario that fits within the tragic facts of today’s world and my beliefs; but that proves nothing. Each of us can construct our own version of truth based on our beliefs, explaining the deaths, destruction, and conflict of our world. We can’t really know the truth or truths, and it probably doesn’t matter. More important than explanation, is finding a way to feel positive and loving while moving forward in life each day. I cannot view life on this planet from the perspective of God—not while I’m in my human existence. I can only go back to the fundamentals of life in which I firmly believe, and which bring me comfort and peace. I can only build the life I choose to live—because this is my life. The fundamentals of my life are: - I am here to experience life in all of its diversity; some of life’s experiences are uplifting, others are challenging and disturbing. - Life is eternal; my human body is finite, but my soul lives forever. - I can know what my soul desires by being attentive to my emotions; positive emotion means I’m living as my soul desires, negative emotion means I’m going the opposite way. - When I feel positive, I attract more of the same, and vice-versa. Extending these fundamentals to today’s happenings, I believe: - I cannot fully understand why there is so much violence and bloodshed, destruction and hate. - I can only choose how I wish to be. - I choose love, peace, compassion, and hope. - I choose to love all beings, regardless of whether I agree with what they do. - I choose to love each of life’s events, regardless of my level of discomfort. - I give my energy and attention to positive, loving aspects of life. When I follow my soul’s desire, identified by how I’m feeling, I live my life’s purpose. Living my life’s purpose impacts the world in ways beyond my comprehension; this is the most I can do. What are your fundamental beliefs of life?

Optimists and Realists

2005-01-06T09:07:00.000-05:00

This is a wonderful article by Lou Tice about the power of optimism in the face of pain and suffering. Jerry Winner's Circle Network with Lou Tice - 1/5/05 - "Optimists" Are optimists people who just don't see the pain and suffering in the world, or is something else going on? Let's talk about optimism in a less than perfect world. Do you know anyone who is a pessimist because they claim that it's just being "realistic?" They seem to feel that because the world contains murderers and molesters, and because war, famine and injustice are common, it is simpleminded to take an optimistic view. Now, I agree that it is simpleminded to try to live as if the world contained no pain or injustice. Recent events in Southeast Asia prove that. But remember, the practical optimists of the world rarely lead lives untouched by suffering. Saint Paul, for example, wrote his remarkable letter about joy to the Philippians while he was in a Roman jail awaiting, as far as he knew, execution. Dr. Viktor Frankl, who lived through three years in concentration camps during World War II, tells us that the survivors were often not the ones who were physically strongest, but rather those who found reasons to live with integrity in the midst of horror and death. You see, optimism is a choice we make with our eyes wide open. It is a choice that enables us to live with purpose and hope, no matter what the circumstances. When you make that choice, day after day, year after year, you will be standing with St. Paul, Dr. Frankl and many others on the side of transformation and hope - a truly great place to be! Lou Tice The Pacific Institute www.thepacificinstitute.com "TPI teaches people how to manage change, set and achieve goals, lead more effectively, and think in ways that create success." --------------------------------------------------- To view past Winner's Circle messages, or make changes to your subscription, or unsubscribe, go to web site http://mailman.wolfe.net/mailman/listinfo/wcn For any problems, please email rschau@pac-inst.com --------------------------------------------------- The Pacific Institute copyrights 1997-2005. All rights reserved. Winner's Circle Network with Lou Tice (WCN) is a registered trademark. Code 010505

January & February Self-Help Classes

2005-01-04T16:14:00.000-05:00

Did your New Year's resolutions include taking better care of yourself physically and mentally? Are you tired of struggling through each day? Do you wonder what life is all about, and what your purpose might be? Would you like to begin living a life with purpose and passion? How about an easier life, one that doesn't rob you of every ounce of your energy. Sign up for one of the three classes I'm offering in January and February. You can participate in three of these aclaimed and proven teleclasses no matter where you live, because these are available to you by telephone. If you prefer to learn within a group, I offer two of the classes in Central Ohio, USA. Ten Steps to an Easier Life is a two-part course showing you ten ways to shift from a life of struggle to a life easier to live. The first part of this teleclass begins on January 20th at 8 PM EST (New York), and concludes on January 24th at 8 PM. The $29 registration fee includes your own 17 page workbook as well as two weeks of follow-up personal assistance by email. To register send email to jerry@yourcoachtosuccess.com and I'll provide the registration web site information. This course is also offered as an on-site workshop at Gentle Winds, in Gahanna, Ohio February 19 and 26 at 1 PM EST. Registration is $50 ($40 early registration). Call 614/471-2281 to register. Purpose in Life Workshop is a two-part teleclass helping you discover your true purpose in life. With purpose in your life comes passion, energy, and joy. Wouldn't you like your days to be passion-filled? The first session of this teleclass is February 1st at 8 PM EST (New York), concluding the following week on February 8 at 8 PM EST. The $15 registration fee includes your own 5 page workbook as well as personal email assistance during the week between classes. To register send email to jerry@yourcoachtosuccess.com and I'll provide the registration web site information. This course is also offered as an on-site workshop at Gentle Winds, in Gahanna, Ohio on January 28 at 6:30 PM EST. Registration is $35 ($25 early registration). Call 614/471-2281 to be included. How to Attract the Life You Desire--and what to do when something else shows up, is an innovative course in creating the life you really want. This one-session teleclass will show you how to utilize the universal Law of Attraction to get just what you want out of life--and what to do when something shows up that you didn't think you wanted. This teleclass is offered February 17th at 5 PM EST (New York). Registration is $15. To register send email to jerry@yourcoachtosuccess.com.

Dr. Wayne Dyer on War

2004-12-16T09:55:00.000-05:00

I'm reprinting this article by Dr. Wayne Dyer without permission. I'm certain Dr. Dyer will not object. His analysis and message about war, what we've learned from the past and the mistakes we continue to make, points to the futility of armed conflict. Jerry My Turn by Dr. Wayne W. Dyer The war in Iraq, specifically America's role of leadership in this war, is a painful invitation to ask ourselves what, if anything, we've learned from previous wars. I, like you, am revolted by the brutal killing of hundreds of thousands of innocent people during any war. And, like you, I'm saddened by the apparent inability of human beings to find less violent solutions to conflict and terrorism. What can we learn from previous wars? Are there lessons from past experiences that can help reduce or minimize the likelihood of excessive and unnecessary destruction and devastation of lives and countries, and our future on Earth? I believe the answer is yes! We can learn, and there are lessons available. In an interview with Errol Morris, Robert McNamara, the former Secretary of Defense during the Vietnam War and the Cuban missile crisis, delineated some lessons from both events. Eighty-five-year-old McNamara, in Morris's Academy Award-winning documentary, The Fog of War, looks back at the crucial mistakes made by our government in failing to understand our supposed enemy, and even more egregiously, our failure to communicate with those Vietnamese leaders we were assigned to hate and destroy. The lesson? Empathize with your enemy. Meeting with his North Vietnamese counterpart, described by McNamara as "a wonderful man named Thach," almost 30 years after pulling out of Vietnam, Thach still insisted that America's mission was to colonize and enslave the Vietnamese. Thirty years later, McNamara couldn't convince his former enemy that we believed we were there to protect them from Communist control. In all those years of conflict and killing on both sides, we had never successfully communicated to our enemy why we were fighting and killing them, and we were unable to empathize with what they were experiencing as a civil war. Thach felt they were fighting for their independence and we were fighting to enslave them. Total misunderstanding is the result of failure to empathize. We must learn to find out why we're so hated and make an attempt to understand each other. Today we are once again engaged in a gigantic battle with people that we've dubbed insurgents or resistance fighters, who seem to be so filled with rancor and rage that they're willing to sacrifice themselves and their loved ones to destroy the hated Americans. Are we making an effort to understand and empathize with our new enemy; to communicate with those who want to destroy us? Sadly, the first lesson of war offered by an octogenarian who's been there and seen the folly of fighting an enemy you cannot comprehend, let alone, understand, is still being ignored at a horrendous cost. Our strategy today, just as it was some 40-plus years ago, is to kill the insurgents even if we must destroy the villages - including schools, mosques, homes, and businesses in the process. After all, we can always rebuild what we've torn down. Yet the hatred remains, and force gives birth to counter force. The killing and destruction go on, and the people who witness the total annihilation of their land are future insurgents in the making. We're told by those who represent us that the insurgents and the average Iraqi and Middle Easterner hate us because we stand for freedom and democracy. It's my contention that we have it backwards. We're hated because we fail to stand for freedom and democracy. In fact, what we do stand for is whatever is best for American financial interests. Under the Shah of Iran, freedom and democracy didn't exist, yet we supported that regime. The Saudi royal family certainly doesn't stand for freedom and democracy, yet we have no quarrel with them. The Emir of Kuwait is not about freedom and democracy, and he has our dying loyalty. The average person on the streets of Iraq isn't fooled by our occupation of their country. They hate us throughout the Middle East and the Moslem world because we care most about how to make money in foreign lands. They know it and we should know it. But we're told that it's our freedom and democracy that engenders this animosity toward us. Residents of Iraq, Iran, Kuwait, Syria, and other countries throughout the Middle East hate us vehemently because they believe that Americans simply can't figure out how all that American oil got under their sand. They believe that we're acting in our own self-interest and that we justify destroying their villages and killing insurgents by convincing ourselves that it's in the name of freedom and democracy. If all of this is blatantly untrue, and we have no monetary motives in our continual clean-up campaigns that are leaving corpses and severely wounded people by the hundreds of thousands, then let's make an effort to communicate with those whom we're now aimlessly killing. I ask each and every person who conducts this war under the guise of Christian principles to answer this question: How much time have you spent praying for your enemy today? Read Jesus in Matthew 5:43-44: You have heard that it was said, 'Love your neighbor and hate your enemy.' But I tell you: Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you. Throughout our history, there has been a long list of those we've been conditioned to hate. The British, French, Spanish, Germans, Japanese, Russians, Communists, Northern Koreans, Vietnamese, Iranians, Taliban, and both northerners and southerners in our own country are some of the people we've been encouraged at various times to call enemies and to hate. The list is long, and as time passes, those we were assigned to hate we later were told should be removed from our hate list. The enemy is obviously hatred itself, and the glassy eyes and the tears rolling down the face of a former wartime Secretary of Defense say it all to me. Have empathy for your assigned enemy. With empathy you know in your heart that it's not a sign of weakness to attempt to understand that the people we call terrorists have placed the same label on us, and that the use of force will create a counter force, a never-ending saga of killing and hate. Ending war involves cultivating empathy in our policies and the love of God in our hearts. As the Native Americans reminded us: No tree has branches so foolish as to fight among themselves.

What if God Worshipped Me?

2004-12-09T16:37:00.000-05:00

This Week’s Article I’ve resisted writing this article for several weeks. It kept coming into my consciousness, but I was afraid. Yet no other inspiration would come, so I finally yielded to the inspiration sent me. I hope this article awakens something within you. What if God Worshipped Me? Isn’t the title of this week’s article about the dumbest thing you’ve ever heard? Not only dumb, but outrageous. Not just outrageous, but heretical. In earlier times or in other countries, expressing this article might land me in prison, or worse. Yet, this title has hung around my consciousness for several weeks. I was initially intrigued when God sent the inspiration. Then fear set in. What will people think if I write this? How presumptuous of me to even ask the question. I envisioned huge numbers of readers canceling their subscriptions and/or sending nasty email questioning my sanity and the value of my articles. I haven’t written an article for several weeks—no other topics inspired me. Just this one. So I finally said, “OK, God, here goes.” Is it really outrageous and presumptuous to think that God might actually worship me? Not just me as an individual, but me as a human being. What if God worships humanity? What if our relationship is one of mutual admiration? The word worship normally refers to acts of honor to a deity, a supreme being. It also means reverence and loving or admiring devotion. Since God loves me and my life is special to God or I wouldn’t be here now, it seems reasonable to believe that my life is revered by God—so, maybe God does worship me after all. Maybe this isn’t such an outrageous question. Ask yourself the question, “What if God worshipped me?” Would your day be the same old routine day? Would you behave in the same old routine way? I wouldn’t. I would strive to be the very best that I could be, in every moment of every day. After all, I wouldn’t want to disappoint God. Not that I’m afraid of being punished—I don’t believe she does that. But I wouldn’t want to let her down. She’s counting on me. How would my day be different? Instead of giving a nod and smile to the young woman soliciting funds for The Salvation Army, I’d give a nod, a smile, and a generous gift. I’d call the person who has been on my mind for several days to offer my help as she deals with a terrible illness in her family. I’d visit elderly relatives and help them with groceries, housecleaning, and cooking, and keep them company for awhile. I’d smile and welcome each person I meet, even those I casually pass by. I’d change all these things and many, many more if God worshipped me. I think she does. God is worshipping you, too. How will your day be different?

Life is So Precious

2004-12-06T17:32:00.000-05:00

Life is so precious—all life is so precious. Days later I can still see it’s beautiful medium brown, face and huge brown eyes. It lay prone with a mortal injury. A small deer, a beautiful small deer, lay bleeding profusely just outside the department store. Apparently confused and panicky it ran headlong through a plate glass door into a shopping mall. Badly cut and bleeding it did the only thing an animal knows to do—it ran. It ran blindly through the store aisles until loss of blood took its toll and the deer collapsed. When we saw it, it was down, trussed my mall maintenance men to keep it from continuing to try to run. It looked straight ahead, probably in shock, likely no longer feeling pain nor panic. Still, my heart cries out in sadness knowing that its survival is doubtful. Is there such a thing as an animal emergency medical team? Perhaps a nearby vet could be summoned, but probably not through 911, the emergency call number in the US. No, it’s more likely that the little fellow was going to bleed to death. There were many long faces nearby. Even the grizzled maintenance men seemed touched and helpless to do anything but provide comfort, which they did. I was deeply touched by seeing this beautiful creature’s fate. The love I feel for it is so strong, so sad, so helpless to do anything but grieve. So I grieve. And I write, because that helps me work through the grief. What message is God sending through this event? Why did the circumstances of my routine, pre-Christmas shopping day take me to the place and time where I witnessed this beautiful creature’s demise? I don’t believe in luck—good or bad luck. I don’t believe in coincidence. I believe all of life’s experiences are part of a complex fabric of opportunities to experience, to learn, and to grow. What am I to make of this experience? Was I becoming insensitive to the miracle of life, taking it for granted? Had I been focusing so much on day-to-day problems of living that I had forgotten what is really important in life? Or was I just a minor observer of an experience created for another? I don’t know. Perhaps at some time the wisdom of retrospect will show me why this occurred. I do know the experience burned deep within me the entire day. I felt a melancholy pain, love, and gratitude for the little creature who so deeply impacted me on this day. Finishing this several days later, these feelings return. I’ve never hunted, nor can I understand the “sport” of killing a wild creature doing no harm. The satisfaction others get from hunting is simply beyond my ability to understand. Why am I writing this? I don’t know for sure, but it helps me to understand my feelings to write about them. So I do.

When the Law of Attraction isn't Working, part 2

2004-10-26T13:40:00.000-04:00

This Week’s Article Have you ever heard that the best way to learn something is to teach it? I’ve found it’s true for me. Writing about the Law of Attraction helps me to better understand, clarify, and apply it to my life. I hope this article helps you, too. If you missed part 1, dated October 9, you can read it at this blog. Click "When the Law of Attraction isn't Working," along the lower right side of this page, or just page down to the October 9 entry. When the Law of Attraction Isn’t Working, part 2 In the last article, I described the Universal Law of Attraction: like attracts like. We attract that which is like us—in energy vibration, not physical appearance. When it seems this law isn’t working it’s our natural tendency to question it. But the Law of Attraction always works; it never fails to bring us exactly what we’re attracting. When life is not what you want it to be, accept that you’ve attracted exactly what you’re experiencing. Even if it’s hard to believe, believe it anyway. This is crucial—if you do not accept that the universe is working just as it should, you lack the power to change life experience. This is step 1, the most important step to take in attracting the life you desire. The remaining 7 steps that follow will help you consciously utilize the Law of Attraction: 2. Clarify what you want. Visualize the thing you desire and—this is important—feel the resulting emotion. Emotion—a state of being—is what we really desire. The things we think we want are only a means to an end—the end being an emotion. We think we want money, but we really want the emotion of security, abundance, or some other emotion/state of being which money will bring. We think we want a life partner, but what we really want is to love and be loved, to be intimately connected to another. 3. Identify any negative emotions associated with what you want. Watch carefully for negative emotions associated with what you want. We often fear some aspect of what we believe we desire. This fear will diminish our powers of attraction, probably resulting in more of what we now have. Pursue these negative emotions, what do they convey, what are you avoiding? Do you desire to write a book, but fear it, too? The energy projected from your fear will offset any positive energy projected from your desire to complete the book—you’ll continue to attract the inability to complete the book. 4. Clarify what you don’t want and why. Visualize what you don’t want, and note the associated emotions. List these emotions. Next to each negative emotion, ask yourself what belief you might hold, or what experiences you might have had that cause that emotion. A negative emotion is always associated with a fundamental belief, perhaps buried deep in the subconscious. Taking the book example again, assume you realize what you don’t want is to invest a huge amount of time and energy writing a book which few people read—a waste of your effort. As you think about this, you feel unimportant, insignificant, as if you’ve nothing to contribute. Insignificance is what you really fear, and this is what is preventing you from achieving the completed book. A belief you hold is sponsoring this fear of insignificance. In plain, harsh words, you might believe the following: I have nothing of value to offer the world. Perhaps you subconsciously hold this belief because of harsh criticism from parents, teachers, or employers. As long as you hold this belief, you will continue to attract life experiences directly or indirectly supporting the belief. 5. Carefully examine each belief you identified in step 4. Accept that this belief has been true for you up until now, but it need not be true in your future. Decide to discard the belief, realizing that broad generalizations are oversimplifications. Look for exceptions to the belief. Look for examples in your life that disproves the belief. Perhaps you find you enjoy writing, and others enjoy reading what you write. 6. Convert each belief to a form that will help you; write each belief identified in step 4 on a new line. Now revise the belief to form a positive affirmation supporting forward movement. For example, assume you’ve identified the following belief as a source of your fear associated with writing a book: I am not a brilliant writer, so a book that I write may be laughable to others. Make the following change: The book I write will be the best book I can write at this time, and my satisfaction and reward will come from doing my very best, rather than from the opinions of other people. 7. Transfer your list of modified beliefs—these are now positive, supportive affirmations—to a clean sheet of paper. Read each affirmation slowly and carefully twice each day, morning and evening. As you read each affirmation—each new belief—feel the emotion associated with it. 8. Reinforce your positive orientation by calling forth similar, positive emotions each day. Make a habit of allowing only positive thoughts. A good way to do this is to think of three things you are grateful for having in your life. Hold each in your mind and feel the emotion of it. Do this upon waking each morning and before going to sleep each evening. When something negative happens—as it will—look carefully for a positive aspect to hold in your mind. A traffic jam on your way home may slow you down, but also gives you an opportunity to relax and think of pleasant evening activities. Will you always attract the life you desire by following these steps? I wish the answer were a resounding yes. For those who are life masters—or close to mastery—the answer is a consistent yes. Masters consciously create exactly what they desire. Unfortunately, most of us fall short of mastery, so the best we can do is to strive for our life’s desires using this process, accepting that we may fall short at times.

Yahoo! News - Officials Say Most Can Skip Flu Shot

2004-10-26T07:37:00.000-04:00

Yahoo! News - Officials Say Most Can Skip Flu Shot Don't we simply love the drama of life? Thanks in part to media hype and our own tendencies to be a part of major dramas, people who didn't bother to get flu shots when they were plentiful are now in panic with the current shortage. This article provides some interesting statistics, as well as good advice. Jerry

The God Gene

2004-10-25T10:34:00.000-04:00

Molecular biologist Dean Hamer's book, The God Gene: How Faith is Hardwired into Our Genes describes his research into possible genetic predisposition to spirituality. I have not read the book, but am referring to an article written about this topic in the October 25, 2004 issue of Time Magazine. Hamer collected data in 1998 for research he was conducting on smoking and addiction. He decided to examine the data for possible spiritual-genetic connection as a side investigation to his smoking-addiction research. His was a limited genetic assessment, confined to nine specific genes that play a role in mood and motor control. He found one gene, VMAT2, was directily related to his volunteers scores on a characteristic called self-transcendence, which roughly translates to the ability to have a spiritual experience. Those with a particular nucleic acid in one spot on the gene ranked higher in self-transcendence than others. Might this mean that some people are genetically coded to be further along spiritually than others? If you believe in the eternal soul, and in multiple physical manifestations of the soul, this might begin to explain how a particular physical incarnation starts its life with a foundation built from earlier life experiences. Clearly, some people are further along the road toward mastery than others--in every area of life, including spirituality. Storing this start-up information in DNA makes sense. This is similar to the data our computers store in boot files, bringing up each new computer session with "knowledge" of preferences and changes from the last session. What do you think? Jerrt

When the Law of Attraction isn't Working

2004-10-09T08:56:00.000-04:00

Special Value for This Week I now have room for two new coaching clients. If you or someone you know is ready to hurdle an obstacle to the life you desire, send an email to jerry@yourcoachtosuccess.com. Together we can accomplish so much. This Week’s Article The Law of Attraction intrigues and frustrates me; at times—especially in hindsight—I see clearly that I am living the life I attracted. At other times, I believe I’m intent on attracting one thing, but something else keeps showing up. Does the law function intermittently? When the Law of Attraction isn’t Working Overheard recently, “Why is all this stuff coming into my life? I don’t want any of this. And don’t tell me I brought it on myself. Why would I do that? I don’t want any of this in my life. I’d have to be crazy to want this.” Have you ever heard this conversation? Maybe you’ve had this conversation with someone—perhaps with yourself. Sometimes the things that come into our lives seem the exact opposite of what we want. We feel powerless, and all the talk that we can create whatever we want sounds like rubbish. Is it? It can be frustrating and painful to face a string of disappointing life circumstances. When you intend to create a certain life, it feels like failure when something else results. It’s so much easier to blame someone or something else; then, at least, you’re not a failure—a victim, but not a failure. Let’s go back to basics. The Law of Attraction states that like attracts like. There are many popular sayings reinforcing the Law of Attraction: birds of a feather flock together, what goes around comes around, do unto others as you would have them do unto you, the world is a mirror, and many more. The attracting force is energy. Positive, high frequency energy attracts more of the same; likewise, negative, lower frequency energy attracts more energy that is negative. Emotion adds intensity to this energy; the stronger the emotion, the stronger the attraction. If I feel down in the dumps, depressed and blue, despite wishing to feel better, and thinking I’d like to feel better, the energy I give off will continue to attract more of the same—depressing, negative life results. We’ve all seen the Law of Attraction in action; we know the world works this way because we can often see the results—in others. We cannot see it as easily for ourselves. A universal law doesn’t just work some times; it works all the time. Gravity always works. Water always converts from ice to liquid to steam at appropriate temperatures. Energy can neither be created nor destroyed, only altered in form—always. Then why does it seem the Law of Attraction fails to work when I want to create a certain result in my life? That’s the question that baffles and frustrates. But it’s the wrong question. If I assume the universal law isn’t working for me, then it isn’t a universal law. Instead, I should assume the opposite—the Law of Attraction is working perfectly. When I accept that the combination of my thoughts and beliefs, my emotions and feelings, and my subconscious intentions and yearnings are generating my life results, I gain the power and perspective to change. The first question to ask is whether I really want different life results. I must be sensitive to how I feel about the area of life I believe I want to change. Are there mixed feelings there? Do I wish for greater career success while simultaneously feeling terrified of making the changes required to attain it? The energy projected by a combination of conflicting thinking and feeling will continue to attract more of what I’m now experiencing. Answering this question allows me to move on to the next important steps I can take to attract what I desire. I’ll cover that in the next article, but for now: always, always, assume you’re attracting exactly what you are experiencing. Even when you cannot believe this, believe it anyway. Rather than looking for the reasons behind your experiences, or who to blame, assume you’ve somehow created them and set about creating a different experience by shifting to more positive thinking, saying, and doing. Easily said, not always easily done. But this is exactly what we must do to change our lives.

Peace

2004-09-21T09:46:00.000-04:00

Peace is a state of mind. Peace is not the absence of war; war cannot exist in a state of peace. War is not an option for peaceful beings. Peace is a state of mind, an intention to live peacefully with all beings. Waging war will never bring peace, just a temporary cessation of war. The last war fuels and justifies the next war. The last war teaches hatred, domination, and power. The last war trains leaders for the next war. Peace is not without conflict. Conflict is an unavoidable result of the diversity of human desires. In a state of peace, conflict is resolved without harm to anyone. Violence does not resolve conflict—it nourishes it. Peace is possible when each person, community, state, and country has access to life’s necessities, along with a reasonable opportunity to achieve life’s dream. You and I can bring peace to the world. How many hundreds or thousands of beings do I encounter in my lifetime? How many do I influence with a peaceful state of mind? How many in turn, does each of them influence? A culture forms person by person over time. We built this culture of belief that war is acceptable, justifiable, and appropriate. You and I built this culture step by step, day by day. We idolize and glamorize violent behavior, praising and teaching violence through entertainment. We declare wars on poverty, AIDS, and terrorism. Poverty, AIDS, and terrorism still exist, proof that war energizes its targets. War is good for the economy, though we would never harbor war for that reason. Or would we? We believe war is natural because we’ve been warring for centuries. People have always killed other people: that’s just the way it is, we say. We confuse natural with normal. Normal means a behavior is prevalent and accepted. Natural means a behavior is inherent. It is normal to kill others because we created a violent culture. It is not natural to kill others, contrary to claims that survival behaviors in nature support this thesis. Humans do not naturally and inherently need to kill to survive. We’ve decided to kill to resolve our conflicts. This is the culture we built. Tomorrow’s culture begins today. You and I, acting with love, acceptance, and respect, begin to form tomorrow’s culture. You and I, acting with vengeance, hatred, bigotry, or greed begin to form tomorrow’s culture. Which culture shall we shape today?

Choosing

2004-09-15T08:06:00.000-04:00

This Week’s Article The beauty and richness of life arises from the choices we get to make each day. Through our many daily choices we demonstrate who we are. Therein also lie life’s complications. With each choice comes the possibility that we will be misunderstood—or that we’ll act based on other’s expectations of us. Choosing Do you often find yourself in situations in which you must make a decision among several alternatives? Do you find it difficult to know which to pick because each has a significant downside? I do. Some decisions are very easy. Making a purchase decision is probably the easiest of all. If the perceived benefits of the purchase are worth the price, and if I have the money, I buy the product or service. Most really difficult decisions revolve around alternative actions that affect, or seem to affect, other people. Decisions get complicated when we consider how others will view our actions. Let’s say I identify two choices that solve a problem I face. Choice A seems attractive, but then I begin to wonder if I’ll appear selfish by picking choice A. But then if I pick B, I might seem insensitive. I anguish over the alternatives trying to figure out how others will feel, and what they might think of me for making each choice. I even explore other choices, ones that don’t solve my problem as effectively, but may be better received by others. What should I do? The answer is to change directions, quickly and completely. While it is important to consider the feelings of others, this should not be my primary basis for making choices. The best choice will always involve being true to myself. That is, making the choice that naturally results from who I choose to be. So the first question to ask is not what to do, but who to be. If I’m angry, do I choose to make the decision of an angry person? Or do I choose to get past the anger and make the decision of a peaceful person? Taking this approach changes the focus from others to me, which is an appropriate starting point. Once you decide on a course of action based on whom you choose to be, you can then address how to implement the decision with sensitivity and consideration for others. Think about the words you will use when describing your decision. Condition yourself to avoid justifying your decision; being true to who you are is justification enough. Next, you can test your decision. Visualize taking the action you’ve decided upon and notice how you feel. Do you feel at peace? Can you visualize discussing your decision with another person while feeling perfectly calm and positive? If so, you have succeeded in making a decision which complements who you choose to be. Another way of saying this is that your choice is authentic—it’s you. On the other hand, if you feel troubled as you visualize taking the action you picked, you will probably feel troubled by the real thing. If this happens, you’ll want to go back to the question of whom you choose to be in this situation. It may take some time and practice to become comfortable with this process—we’re conditioned to believe it’s wrong to think of ourselves first. But it’s not. When I’m true to myself—authentically me—I’m at my best. And when I’m at my best, I’m best for others, too.

Jump for Joy Ebook on Sale!

2004-09-10T10:47:00.000-04:00

For the next four days, until close of business on September 12th, you can purchase my latest ebook, Jump for Joy, clearing the hurdles to an easy life, for $1.00—a fraction of the normal $8.95 price. For one dollar you’ll learn to recognize that the obstacles in your life are not unique to you alone—that we all face the same hurdles to happiness and that you, too, can overcome them. You’ll find you can shrink each hurdle by changing your beliefs and habits that have built the hurdle up to a size preventing your happiness. Jump for Joy won’t make your problems go away, but it will show you how to be joyful in spite of problems, not by pretending, nor denying, but by fundamentally changing how you view your place in the Universe. The examples and exercises will help you integrate the ideas from Jump for Joy into your life. What’s the catch? I want your feedback. After reading Jump for Joy, I hope you’ll tell me how you’ve used the ideas in your life. I hope you’ll find that your life is easier, and you’ll be willing to tell me about it. To order Jump for Joy for $1.00, click on this link, but only until September 12th, after that it will cost $8.95: http://jumpforjoy.yourcoachtosuccess.com.

Being a Writer

2004-08-29T11:23:00.000-04:00

I attended the Columbus Writer's Conference recently, and realize that I now consider myself a writer. I used to think of myself as a coach who also wrote. Sometime during the last month, beginning with a brief writer's workshop by David Bell at the local library, including becoming a member of a writing group, and culminating with the Writer's Conference, I became a writer. Gathering ideas and learning from writing professionals, along with 300 + other writers helped. But what really did it was that I declared myself a writer--to myself. That declaration, as with every other powerfully stated self declaration is what makes it so. This brings home to me the power of the "I am" statement. This is how we create. I now realize I have created a writer, and I now naturally and energetically go about accumulating the tools and tips of the writing trade. Anything I desire to become requires this declaration step before it is really so. I can obtain the external trappings of something, such as a certificate of training, but until I declare that this is who I am, I am not. And as soon as I commit that this is who I am, I am that. What an adventure!

Religious Rigidity Ranting

2004-08-20T07:29:00.000-04:00

From the Associated Press, August 20, 204: An 8-year old girl who suffers from a rare digestive disorder and cannot eat wheat has had her first Holy Communion declared invalid because the wafer contained no wheat, violating Roman Catholic doctrine. Does God really care? I can't believe so. Men care. Rules set by corporate, religious, or educational institutions and rigidly enforced to the point of absurdity defy common sense. In the case of religious rigidity, such rulings seem to imply that brotherly love is a forgotten component of the very institutions founded to promote it. We don't necessarily expect brotherly love to be a component of corporate, educational, or government rule interpretation, but shouldn't it be a fundament driver of religious doctrine application? Such actions drive people away, not only from the church, but from businesses, schools, and even families which cannot apply rules with flexibility and love. This same situation occured in 2001 to a 5-year old with this disease, who was also denied permission to use a non-wheat wafer in Communion. The family left the Catholic Church. So, who wins in these situations? As far as I can tell, only the person whose pride requires rigid rule enforcement. Does God really require a small child to risk illness to participate in a religious ritual? I doubt it. What would Jesus do now? What would love do now?

Will You Marry Me?

2004-08-16T08:56:00.001-04:00

Beginning this week I am posting my Partnering with God articles to this blog. If you prefer to receive your own personal copy of these free articles, please request same in the comment section to this posting, or by visiting my web site at http://www.yourcoachtosuccess.com. I do not rent, sell, or provide my subscribers list to others. Now for this week's article. Will You Marry Me? What a powerful question: Will you marry me? Not a question to ask lightly, nor a question to respond to without great thought. Deciding to pose this question, or deciding how to respond to it, has life-altering implications. Now, what if I ask this question of myself? What a novel twist, to ask myself to marry me. Knowing what I know about myself, would I ask me to marry me? And if I asked me to marry me, would I accept? If I should accept, would I stay married to me? What a powerful set of questions! They get right to the (sometimes uncomfortable?) core of my feelings about me. Considering how to respond to my proposal requires that I ask myself all the questions I would ask if considering a marriage proposal from another person. Do I love myself? Do I like me? Do I want to spend the rest of my life with me? Am I trustworthy? Do I keep my promises to myself? Do I treat myself with respect and consideration? Do I encourage me to follow my deepest dreams? Do I support myself when I stumble? Do I defend me from the criticisms of others? Do I respect my values? Do I listen to me? Do I allow my inner thoughts and desires to surface without fear of ridicule and rejection? Do I enjoy being with me? Is my time alone a pleasant experience or something I avoid? Granted, I have little choice in the matter of being with me. I am, after all, trapped in close proximity to me. Still, I have a choice when it comes to whom I spend time with—including spending time alone with me. Perhaps honestly pondering how I might respond to the questions posed above will bring the insight to help me be more like the me I wish to be—the me I would marry.

Poll Results and New Poll

2004-08-12T17:36:00.000-04:00

Nearly half of those responding to the last poll indicated they have read 4 or more self help books in the last 6 months. Only about 20% have read no self help books in this same interval. The newest poll on my blog asks your belief about war. Please respond to the poll questions.

Communicating

2004-08-08T08:16:00.000-04:00

Do you ever notice the difference in how you feel when you: 1) make friendly small talk with an acquaintance, 2) have a lively two-way conversation with a friend, or 3) bare your soul with someone you trust? For me, friendly small talk is pleasant and may even be cheery, but usually lacks deeper feelings of human satisfaction. The sense I get from friendly small talk is that I've skated the surface of the waters of humanity, perhaps even stuck in one toe. A lively two way conversation, for me, is more stimulating and energizing. I may learn something from this communication, or may convey something that another didn't know. While energizing, this level of communication is still shallow, more like sticking my feet in the water and kicking a few times. But for real satisfaction, nothing beats the conversations that are soul to soul. When I discuss something that really means something to me--how I feel about something of importance, what I believe in, what has happened to me and how I felt about it--these experiences where I open my shields and expose the vulnerability of my fears and joys, these are like diving in and swimming underwater. This is when I really experience the depth of human emotion. Though sometimes scary, soul baring communication is so satisfying, so calming, so loving, as to make the risk worthwhile. The older I get, the more willing I am to take the risk of vulnerability.

Abraham Quotes

2004-08-06T08:56:00.000-04:00

I love the work and messages of Abraham-Hicks, http://www.abraham-hicks.com. Beginning this week I've added a daily quote from Abraham. This will appear on the right side and will change daily. Abraham's messages are powerful, yet very simple. It is natural in the human experience to feel good. When we do not feel good we are resisting our natural ability to attract the positive aspects of living we desire. As we practice thinking in ways which bring us happy feelings, we elevate our level of vibration, attracting more of the good things for our lives. Although this teaching contradicts many religious and puritanical beliefs, feeling good beats feeling bad. Try it. Jerry

Another Recommended Book

2004-08-01T13:00:00.000-04:00

Authentic Happiness by Martin Seligman is an excellent book, combining sound research results with tips and hints to help individuals attain greater happiness. Not a spiritual book, but a practical, logical, scientific treatment of the topic of human happiness. Dr. Seligman's own personal story of how his five year old daughter's insight stimulated his life's future work is especially heartwarming. Authentic Happiness tells us that each of us can increase our level of happiness by following several procedures spiritualists and coaches have taught. His work validates spiritual teachings in these areas with sound research results. His web site, www.authentichappiness.com has several self assessments anyone can take free of charge. I recommend Authentic Happiness for anyone serious about improving life. Jerry

Writing into Space

2004-07-13T08:31:00.000-04:00

A good friend, who I've never met in person, writes a newsletter. After three years of weekly publication, he's taking some time off to decide his future direction. Is anyone reading his newsletters? Does anyone notice that he recently missed two straight weeks of publication? He's not so sure. I can identify with where he is now. I wonder if anyone reads what I write. Sometimes I do get feedback, but other times I feel that I'm talking into the wind. Yet, that's OK much of the time. I enjoy writing. I get insights into life from time to time, and I enjoy sharing them with others. I find that when I write and share just for the sheer joy of it I don't expect or even care if I get feedback. And writing about what I'm thinking brings me greater insight than just thinking. I feel inspired, wiser than I am. Connected to God. But there are times when I feel frustrated, wondering if I'm just throwing energy into the universe, while accomplishing nothing. Deep inside, I know that the energy I put out does contrihute. I must remember that it isn't important for me to know to whom and how I'm contributing, as long as I know that the act of sharing my insights is a contribution in itself. Still, it is nice to get some feedback. Jerry

Books I Recommend

2004-07-08T08:46:00.000-04:00

Several books have been instrumental in my spiritual growth, though not all are strictly spiritual. I recommend these for anyone following a personal growth urge. Conversations with God by Neale Donald Walsch. This book started me on my spiritual growth path. This was one of those books that simply embraced me with the beauty and wonder of the God I had been longing for. Written in a conversational question and answer format, it is easy to understand, although some concepts may be shocking to those raised in conventional or fundamental religions. Friendship with God by Neale Donald Walsch is my favorite book of Walsch's series. This book positions God as a partner and friend, rather than the traditional view of God as father. This book stimulated the title of my weekly ezine, Partnering with God. The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle is my next favorite book after the Conversations with God books. Tolle focuses on one concept (also covered by Walsch); that life is now. Focusing on now allows one to avoid much of the complication and difficulty brought on by worry for the future or guilt about the past. If you were to read only two books this year, The Power of Now is one of the two I recommend. The second book I would recommend is the following: A New Beginning II by Abraham-Hicks. Like Tolle's book, this book has a single point and makes it effectively: we create our lives by our thoughts, actions, and emotions. Thinking positive (high frequency) thoughts attracts more positive (high frequency) events; this is the law of attraction, and it applies to everything about your life. Wanting a life improvement while feeling negative (low frequency vibrations) simply brings more negative events. Every spiritual book makes this point, though none as effectively, in my opinion. Another Abraham-Hicks book, Sara and the Foreverness of Friends of a Feather is a great gift for children aged six or up. This book presents the positive thinking concept in a child's story, very effectively guiding children toward postive approaches to life. This book, though, is not just for children. Many adults enjoy it as well. There are two additional books in this series. Let Your Life Speak by Parker J. Palmer is a small book with a powerful point; that is, the successes in your life speak to who you are and the failures--equally valuable--speak to who you aren't. Knowing ourselves is the first step toward life success. Several books by Marcia Sinetar present this same theme effectively. Finally, though I've probably left out several books which have influenced me, Tuesdays with Morrie by Mitch Albom is a small book about the life of a man dying of Lou Gehrig's disease. But it's not a morbid book. It's a book of inspiration and hope, and a celebration of the cycles of life. I'd like to know your favorite books, and your opinons of these books. Either comment to this article, or write to me at jerry@yourcoachtosuccess.com. Jerry

Love and Independence

2004-07-04T08:11:00.000-04:00

Today, July 4th, is Independence Day in the US. Life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness--the natural entitlement of each human being, simply by being born. Just as a country has no right to subjugate another country, no human has the right to control another human. The greatest demonstration of love--in fact, the only true version of love--is to acknowledge, encourage, and support the independence of another. This day is a good day to reflect upon our relationships with those we claim to love. Do we acknowledge, encourage, and support their independence? Or do we control, manipulate, and diminish them by a version of subjugation masking as love? Children are not property. Spouses are not property. Employees are not property. In fact, property is not ours, though we think it is. Upon death, property moves on to others. We are merely stewards of land, buildings, and things we think we own. I'm amused watching the behavior of chipmunks, rabbits, and squirrels around my "property." They behave, just as I do, as if all this is theirs. They tend homes, forage for food, and have families on their property. Living in harmony means acknowledging the right of independence for those around us. Have an independent day. Jerry

Ramblings

2004-06-30T08:35:00.000-04:00

Please vote in the new poll box to your right. With less than ten votes for the last poll, it was unanimous...everyone felt that life was challenging, yet an adventure filled with joyful opportunities. Musing...my spiritual path essentially began with Neale Donald Walsch's Conversations with God book published in the mid-90's. I enjoyed and benefited from his early books, especially book one and Friendship with God. The last two books, however, The New Revelations and Tomorrow's God, seem to lack the refreshing discovery characteristics of his earlier books. Perhaps that's because I'm so immersed in spiritual writings from many authors. But it just seems to me that Neale is now pontificating. The writing seems condescending, as if he (Neale) knows all the answers, but the rest of us have no clue. Anyway, that's my opinion. Starting to think about our annual beach vacation. The ocean is a favorite spiritual place. This came to me a couple of days ago. Obviously, I'm not a poet, but... Foaming green or crystal blue, It brings the same to me. Waves crash full upon my face, Yet bring tranquility.

Peace, an Attitude

2004-06-26T08:08:00.000-04:00

Mattie Stepanek, a 13 year old poet and peacemaker died this week. Mattie had a rare form of muscular dystrophy, yet it didn't prevent him from publishing several best selling books of poetry. Nor did it prevent him from taking his peace beliefs on the Oprah and Larry King Live shows. If you've heard the term, Indigo Children, but didn't know what it meant, think Mattie Stepanek. Wise beyond their (human) years, many with disabilities, these children bring us a message of peace, love, and the interconnected human soul. Mattie knew that peace is an attitude, that we'll never achieve lasting peace as a result of waging war. Peace comes from waging peace. Peace comes from a human belief that peace is the only viable path. Mattie urged us to choose peace. Here's a young man in a wheelchair, with a breathing tube in his throat, and IV bags hanging at his side, yet with the love of life to write this poem: Thank You, God, Not just for life, But for our journey through life. Life is a miracle, And a journey through life Is so full of so many more miracles If we travel with our Heartsongs. Thank You, God, For blessing me with the Gift of Heartsongs, So that I can enjoy my miracles. "Google" Mattie Stepanek to find more about him and read his poems. Now, what is it we were complaining about this morning? Jerry

A Non-Meditative Method of Self-Understanding

2004-06-24T08:39:00.000-04:00

The question, "Who am I?" attracts each of us at some time in our lives. The human quest for meaning and purpose in life begins with asking this question, and is unsuccessful until answered. Meditation is the normal means for gaining this insight--and it's a wonderful path to self understanding. Yet many people find it very difficult to meditate. The Western culture is action oriented. We surround ourselves with lots of activities and lots of outside input in the form of radio, TV, cell phones, pagers, palm pilots, etc. Bombarded with outside noise, we find it very difficult to devote time to being alone with ourselves. When we try, we find ourselves tuned in to a barrage of thoughts bouncing around our minds. Meditation requires finding a place where thoughts are absent--and this is tough to do for many people. But there is a way to gain some measure of self-understanding, even if meditation hasn't been effective. Look around. The environment we each create for ourselves mirrors who we are being, because that's where we're most comfortable. So a good first step toward answering the "Who am I?" question is to observe your surroundings. Does your home stimulate activity or reflection? Do your friends stimulate conflict, peace, reflection, action, love, anger, frustration, ...You get the picture. Without judging yourself, look around you and see your surroundings. You have created this environment, consciously or subconsciously. It mirrors who you are now being, not who you wish to be, nor who you could be, but who you are now. What does it tell you? Jerry

Fear in the Workplace: The Bullying Boss

2004-06-22T08:35:00.000-04:00

The New York Times > Health > Mental Health & Behavior > Fear in the Workplace: The Bullying Boss This interesting article in the New York Times, about bullying bosses got me to thinking about my bosses over the years. I vividly recall one boss, Gordon, who was an aggressive and volatile bully. I can still recall watching him publicly dress down an employee; this brutal display of power and lack of respect for another still sticks with me as a vivid and distasteful image--after more than forty years! We worked hard for Gordon out of fear for similar treatment. But I wouldn't say we were as productive as we could be. We worked to stay out of trouble, not to do well for our customers. There's a big difference. I can also recall working for more passive bullies, such as Bob. Bob was smart, had a compassionate streak, but could cut you to ribbons with his words. I think he always meant well, for he sincerely believed in the business we were in. But he could be a terror, too. I recall one time, a few of us played a small practical joke on him; we shifted his desk drawers around while he was away, even moving some to the back of our work area. He didn't say a word when he discovered it, just went around picking up and putting things together again. He emitted a powerful, though silent anger which stifled any humor we anticipated from our joke. We worked hard to please Bob. He didn't grant praise often, so his praise was unusual and treasured. I've also worked for benevolent bosses, those who you just knew would be supportive of you no matter what you did. For these bosses, I worked more creatively and fearlessly. I took more chances and stretched much farther because I didn't fear making a mistake. The Times article indicates research, surprisingly, found that employees were nearly as productive for bullying bosses as supportive bosses. I find that hard to believe based on my personal experiences. I'm interested in your experiences with bullying bosses. Jerry

Forgiveness or vengeance

2004-06-20T20:05:00.000-04:00

Please visit my web site, YourCoachtoSuccess.com. Revenge is a dish best served cold. Forgive and forget. When someone wrongs you which path do you take? Vengeance or Forgiveness? Some quote the Bible's "eye for an eye," as justification for vengeance. Others quote "turn the other cheek," as justification for forgiving. There's a certain sense of justice-served in the act of vengeance. Yet, I believe that we are best served as individuals when what we do feels good to us--a good feeling deep down within. Does revenge ever feel that way? Not to me it hasn't. There may be a brief feeling of self-satisfaction from striking back, but the overarching feeling is anything but good--certainly nowhere near peace, serenity, or joy. So I favor the strategy of forgive and forget. What do you favor? I'm anxious to hear your comments. Jerry

Introducing the YourCoachtoSuccess Blog

2004-06-19T19:21:00.000-04:00

I've decided to add a blog to my website to encourage more interaction, commentary, and visitor involvement. I hope you'll be an active commentor at YourCoachtoSuccess. Jerry